I could use some cheering up! Please!!

Hi Ladies,

Tonight, I found out my 27 year old sister is pregnant. I turn 32 this week. I was not expecting “Happy Birthday, you’re going to be an Aunt!”

Being older by 5 years, I always assumed I would have the first grandchild. My husband and I have been trying for over 2 years with no luck and no medical explanation.

Last week, for the first time ever, I was CONVINCED I was finally pregnant before taking a test. I had all the symptoms for a week and I was late. I went to bed sure that when I woke up and finally took the test, I would get my BFP. I was so excited I couldn’t sleep, I was even counting out when my due date would be and trying to decide how to tell my husband. Of course, the test was negative and aunt flow showed up the next day.

I’m not a cryer, but for the first time in this process, I bawled my eyes out.

But the not crying thing changed again tonight. Three of my closest friends are pregnant and I am so happy for all of them. I was not sad at all when they told me. But now that it’s my sister, I’m struggling.

I’ve pictured telling my parents they’re going to be grandparents so many times. And now I just have to tell them congratulations instead. What makes it worse is that I hate that I am having these terrible, selfish emotions the night I find I’m going to be an Aunt. I just want to be happy for my sister, but all I can think about is the moment I’ve dreamt of for years and now will never have.

Don’t worry, I may be selfish on the inside, but all she’ll see is the happy as hell soon to be Aunt! I love her and am so happy for her, but just a little sad for me.