Tonight I went to a party to find my “baby daddy” (my boyfriend) drunk. Im 20, and he turns 21 next month.

I found out he was at a party because of a video some girl posted on Instagram, so she told me where it was. When I got there I couldn’t find him and when I did he left the party right away and didn’t even seem to care that I caught him somewhere he wasn’t supposed to be. I took his keys from him because he was drunk obviously and couldn’t drive. The people hosting the party supported me in doing this and stayed with me to make sure he didn’t drive home. He called me a Bitch, told me he could get someone better, told people we weren’t together even though we are, hit me, and caused a whole commotion.

I just keep thinking about how today we were completely fine. Before he left the house at noon he gave me a kiss, told me he’d see me in a few hours, and then I didnt see him again. He was supposed to go get his car fixed while I went to a kids birthday party with our daughter. He messaged me at 8 saying he went to visit his parents and I didn’t hear from him after that. I don’t know what I did wrong.

Obviously I’m leaving him. He laid hands on me and said all those hurtful things, and not to mention lied to me . But I feel like the shitty one. I’m so hurt, sad and angry while he’s out partying like nothing. I don’t understand what I did today to make him do this or why he would. If I’m better off without him then why do I feel so broken while hes fine ? I just really need advice on how to move on without begging for him or chasing him. Because even though I know I shouldn’t tolerate this and I made the choice to leave him, I still love him and as fucked up as it sounds a small part of me wants him.

Any words of wisdom to leave someone you know is bad for you and how to stay strong ? I don’t really have anyone to go to