I’m pretty sure I’ve never experienced an orgasm despite trying to masturbate and being sexually active. I wanted to see if this experience I have when masturbating/having sex is normal; it’ll feel great for a bit, I’ll feel a build up, and then suddenly when I feel like an orgasm should be on the brink my sex drive completely plummets. I just become numb.

I can understand why it’s so much harder to achieve an orgasm from having sex with a guy, especially just penetrative but I’ve had experiences where a guy has tried so hard to help and has been doing everything right but I’ll just suddenly lose interest even when it feels great and when I feel like I’m on the brink.

This is the part I put the trigger warning for, I’m honestly not sure how lenient <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">eve</a> is with this topic but here it goes.

I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality disorder a few months ago, along with depression and an anxiety disorder even earlier. I’ve been an anxious gal for as long as I can remember. One of my therapists had always had a suspicion that I have been suppressing a memory of a traumatic experience, given some of the things I am dealing with it would most likely be sexually related. I have always felt extremely uncomfortable and fearful around older men, for most of my life experienced low self-esteem and body image issues, have more recently began experiencing dissociation/derealization, I’m super promiscuous but at the same time fear intimacy, I have sudden bouts of feeling so so uncomfortable in my body to the point where I want to claw my skin off and every pair of eyes on me are a threat and every article of clothing touching me sends me into a meltdown (like the feeling of my bra straps against my skin), to name just a few of these issues.

Aside from asking if this problem with reaching an orgasm is a common and normal experience, I’m working up the courage to ask if this experience can be related to childhood sexual abuse. If anyone feels comfortable sharing any insight I would greatly appreciate it. These are things I will be working on with a therapist but in the mean time I’m hoping to hear from anyone in a non-professional setting to see if this is even an issue that could be related and should be brought up with a professional. Also any suggestions and tips on how to work on this difficulty would be appreciated as well!

Sorry for the heavy, dark post but I’m in need of some clarity.