Hello lady’s!

Some of you may have seen my post from about 2 years ago about my boyfriend and I taking a break. We had been together about a year at that point and things weren’t good.

A LOT of backstory:

My boyfriend and I met in college in 2014, I fell head over heels very quickly. He’s a genuinely nice guy, sexy af, funny, and incredibly intelligent. He knew I liked him, and he said he liked me too but he wasn’t ready for a relationship. We kept things 100% platonic, aside from a few outbursts of “I’m in love with you,” from me. He had said he’d be with me if he was ready, but he wasn’t. And he told me not to wait for him because he wouldn’t be ready for awhile. A few months down the line I’m at the peak of my depression (self harm as well), and one night I told him everything. He was very supportive and actually helped me stop hurting myself. He saved my life, I truly believe that if he hadn’t supported me then I wouldn’t be here right now. And then not long later he gave me news-he had a girlfriend. And I was heartbroken. I really thought it’d be me when he was ready.

*i want to start by saying I am not proud of how I acted, I disrespected his girlfriend and relationship. I’ve learned from my mistakes and I very much regret my actions*

I didn’t want to accept it, and I was very open about my feelings for him. And one day he stopped talking to me without any explanation. I thought it was because I told him about my depression. Time goes on and we reconnect. I told him my feelings were still there but that I need led to move on, he still had a girlfriend. And I tried, I really did. I met a girl and everything. And then he started coming to me about his relationship problems, and it made me mad because he deserved so much better than he was getting. And one day he was coming over to hangout, and we almost had sex. The only thing that stopped me was AF. And we talked about it and decided he had to tell her and I backed off. I barely talked to him besides to tell him I was moving.

We reconnected a few months later and he told me that they had broken up, I kept my (annoyingly still existent) feelings to myself. When I moved back around we grew closer, again I didn’t say anything. One day my grandfather died and the next day I asked him to come with our mutual friend and I to a movie. I just needed to do SOMETHING. Everything was great and then he held my hand in the car on the way back from dinner. From there things escalated and we decided to be fwb. He at first was against it because he didn’t want me to get hurt because I already had feelings for him. And then he agreed and things went from there. I didn’t think he’d ever fall for me or develop real feelings, so despite saying we were exclusive I started a flirtationship with a girl. It lasted about a month and then I took her on a date. We saw a movie and the night ended with an awkward kiss. I told him as soon as I got home. He claimed he didn’t care but I knew he did and ended things a week or two later with her completely. He didn’t know the extent of our flirting because I hid it, and then he eventually found the messages between us. In that time I had also flirted with a coworker of mine (after the girl, before he found the messages). It was never a very obvious or crazy flirt, more like laughing at his jokes to long, shit like that. I made it known I was taken and never called him attractive or anything. I was just too friendly that it crossed the line to flirting. And things were downhill from there. He ended up sexting a girl (one night only and honestly mild compared to some things I’ve seen here), and I found out. And there was a Patreon subscription he had with some messages to a girl that I found. After that he had one foot out the door, but he was worried I’d hurt myself if he left (wasn’t self harming but was becoming very depressed). He downloaded Tinder. He matched with a few people but never messaged anyone. And then we took a break. 2 weeks into it we were sleeping together each week and cuddling, but not together. We were starting to work our way back to relationship when he told me he tried to sleep with someone during the initial break up. And I was crushed. I had about a week left at my job before moving and I started flirting with a coworker. Same type of thing, I crossed the line between friendly and flirty. I was never honest with my boyfriend about it and he didn’t trust me. And I didn’t trust him, he later told me he actually had sex with someone (the girl I went on a date with) while we were broken up. It wasn’t so much the sleeping with her as it was the lying for months. We both had our valid reasons for not trusting each other and we both regret everything.

It has been a ROUGH 2 years. There have been highs and lows, a lot of lows. But we stuck by each other and we kept fighting. We are finally in a seemingly stable and good spot. We have (casually) talked about our future children, where a few months ago he wanted a future with me but didn’t know if he saw it anymore. A year ago we worked for the same company just in separate buildings. I had the opportunity to move to his building which would have been easier for me transportation wise, but we decided against it. We didn’t think spending that much time together was a good idea because of where we were. He wasn’t comfortable with the idea, he was worried I’d be flirting with coworkers and making him look like a fool. I wouldn’t have, but he had a valid reason to think so. Well today I had my first day in his building and we are both thrilled. We’re in different departments and have different schedules, but we did see each other a few times (on purpose and by accident). We talked several times and he assured me he was comfortable with it and he even helped me prepare for my interview, went as far as printing my resume at work right before I went in. We’ve decided to keep our relationship to ourselves. We don’t need our personal lives to be all over the workplace. We both make it known we’re taken, but that’s it. One of us would also likely have to move buildings if management were to find out, and the other locations are a nightmare to get to (1 bus that only runs once an hour. You miss it and you’re late). The point of this very long post is just to say to not give up. Relationships are hard. They’re a lot of work and require a LOT of effort. And it won’t always be easy, there will be times you almost throw in the towel. But if you truly love someone-fight. Fight for them and your relationship. Even if it doesn’t end up working out, at least you know you tried your best.

**This does not include abusive relationships or serial cheaters. My boyfriend and I have never physically cheated. We have never ever gotten physical. We rarely even yell. Some of that is because yelling is a huge trigger for my anxiety and I basically crumble the second a voice is raised. When we did yell it was mainly to be louder then the other, not generally AT each other. We’ve never called each other names out if anger, ever. So while our relationship was not healthy, it wasn’t abusive in any way**

*and again I want to express that I do regret my actions. I disrespected a relationship and I shouldn’t have. I later found out we came on to me at that level because she had cheated on him. I still regret my part because I’ve been cheated on, but a part of me defends him and says karmas a bitch. But I do not condone cheating and being “the other women” is one of my biggest regrets. I’ve done a lot of growing up since that happened, about 4 years ago. *

Enjoy these sickeningly cute conversations 😍