What expectations does your partner have?
I have been a stay at home mom for about a month and a half now. I obviously had maternity leave, and I also worked from home a while after. So I have kind of been home for almost 5 months, I suppose.
My SO expects a lot from me. I am tired of failing him. When I try to explain why I didn’t accomplish what he would expect (fussy baby, wouldn’t nap, etc), he says I am giving excuses. He says he is not happy with what I am getting done each day. He says I spend a lot of time “gallivanting”. When he says this, he is referring to the two support groups I attend, and when I go to the grocery store or take our daughter for a walk. I am a social person. I try to leave the house once a day, so I don’t go crazy or get depressed.
Each day I make sure to do the dishes, tidy up the living areas, and complete a load of laundry. That’s my minimum expectation for myself. Additionally, I usually vacuum the floors and try to organize and clean one room.
Some days are better than others, but my SO says he can’t tell the difference between the good and the bad days based on what I accomplish. He wants me to like go outside and garden (I hate yard work) and sew his pants he ripped (I currently only know how to sew on buttons).
He also feels I don’t cook enough. I try to cook 3 times during the week, which is what he said he expects, but this week we had a lot of leftovers and so I cooked less.
He doesn’t understand the amount of work a baby takes. The breastfeeding every 1.5 hours, the time it takes to get her to nap, the issue of her falling asleep ON me and having to decide if I want to risk waking her in order to be productive.
When he mentions specific things are bothering him, I make sure to complete them. But he feels like he has to nag me. I am doing the best I can, but he doesn’t seem to think it is enough. I told him I am listening to what he says and truly trying to utilize his feedback. I made a chore schedule for myself yesterday. A list of tasks each day in addition to my daily tasks. That way I could feel like I accomplished a sufficient amount at home and not feel guilty about leaving the house. He thought my list was silly and unnecessary.
What do your husbands/partners expect from you while being a SAHM? My daughter is almost 5 months old, by the way.