I feel so hurt. Fiance decided to stop TTC. Venting
So the story is a little confusing but I just feel so hurt and broken for multiple reasons right now. So here's a little background, my fiance and I started trying for a baby 2 months ago. But last month it didn't really work out because we were away from each other for work reasons, so this month comes around and we're ready. My fertile week just ended and I ovulated today. So three days ago we were able to have sex. And then last night I tell him that it's pretty much our last chance because I ovulate today, so we do it and he pulls out? I couldn't help but instantly want to cry but I held my emotions together and talked to him. I asked him why he did that if we were trying to have a baby.
he told me that after thinking about it and trying this week, he felt stressed out thinking about raising a kid and he changed his mind. He said he didn't want to tell me that he changed his mind because he felt like I "gave him no choice but to try" and that made me so angry and upset. forget about not trying to have a baby, if he just came to me and told me that he decided he wasn't ready things would have been fine. I respect his feelings. The fact that he said I gave him no choice is what really hurt me and made me mad because this past two months I've been nothing but bringing it up to him asking if he is sure. I told him that yes it's my dream to have children but my dream is to share child with the person I love so if he's not 100% on board and excited for it I don't want to do it yet. Because I want it to be an enjoyable experience for both of us, why would I want to have a baby with him if he's going to be stressed and not happy? I literally asked him almost every day how he felt about it and each time he told me that he was super happy and excited.
So instead of telling me that he didn't want to try anymore, he just waited until we're in the moment and then pulled out, which of course disappointed me because I was confused. I told him he got my hopes up just to crush them when he already decided mentally that he didn't want to try. I told him that wasn't fair to me to leave me on to think we could try and then just switch up literally in the moment.
but that's not even the part that I'm mad about, I'm fine waiting to have a baby. The part that I'm mad about is that he genuinely believed that I gave him no choice. and I'm mad at him because he knows damn well that I gave him so many chances to tell me how he felt and each time he chose to tell me that he was happy and excited and wanted to go through with it. he never once told me that he was feeling stressed or unhappy about the decision. He deceived me and made me think that we were trying. he even told me that this past week when we did try he didn't even finish you just faked it. Which really hurt me because I've been taking prenatals and vitamins and all the things I'm supposed to be taking for nothing.
after all the times I asked him how he felt about it and he never spoke up, the fact that he's trying to blame me for rushing him into having a baby literally makes me shake of anger. If that's the person he's making me out to be I don't even know if I want to be with him. Like it completely change my point of view of him as a person. he should know me better than that, after all these years together he should fucking know me better than that. in that moment I felt like I was sitting across from a stranger the fact that he really thought I would do that to him and "give him no choice".
So in all he he actually only finished in me one time 3 days ago, so they're still going to be a small chance that I can get pregnant considering I ovulate today. now I'm upset and stressed out and not looking forward to this two week wait. This isn't how things should be we should both be excited, we should both be happy we should both be counting down the days. but now instead I'm terrified to find out if I'm pregnant because he's just making me feel like I trapped him.
and the reason why I asked him so many times if he was ready and happy to do this, was because I knew that he might have doubts so I wanted to make sure that I was giving him the opportunity to tell me that he was dressed out. But instead he just lied to me and said that he was finishing everyone he really wasn't.
if he just came to me and told me that he didn't feel ready anymore, we would have stopped trying, I wouldn't be upset, I wouldn't feel like he's making me out to be someone that I'm not. We would have just simply waited until he was ready. But now he's talking to me as if I'm trying to push him into something he's not ready for.
I'm so freaking upset. I slept on the couch last night and just cried myself to sleep. Am i over reacting?
And i already bought a cute little onsie that i was saving to announce to him if i was pregnant this month. now if I find out I'm pregnant I'm going to be so upset and stressed out because I know it's not what he wants. This is not how I pictured things to go.