When is it enough...

Question

I've become more open to methods I had previously discarded as "too unnatural." But I still have a line in my head where personally (this means no attack on others' choices) that I do not want to continue down the ttc journey and we will pursue adoption.
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​It's not something that most of us want to think about but there are lots of couples out there who won't be able to conceive. Have you thought about starting your family with adoption and if so, at what point do you think you'll pursue it?
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​There are no wrong answers and everyone is different so please don't be offended if someone's point is closer than your own. There's no judgement here on others ' choices.

Answer

(Cont'd) I know this delimma is a personal one for all of us. I have to say that while every fiber of my being knows that motherhood is right for me, I'm not sure that my sanity, my bank account, my marriage, and my body can take a whole lot more. 
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​All that being said, I can feel AF coming and I'm going to do a second round of IUI without missing a beat. This process is filled with so many contradictions.  I'm trusting that I'll know when it's time to stop if we come to that.

Answer

I've lost 3 pregnancies, this last one was from IVF. Next month we are going to start the paperwork for adoption. We will pursue ivf again they can figure out what's wrong, but we want 2 children so that they'll have each other when we're gone. Either they'll both be adopted or one will be. And Either way,  I will be a mother one day.

Answer

Mandy - your question is right on. We've been ttc for 3 years, I've been through surgery (with complications), meds, and now IUI. With each month of disappointment and still really not knowing definitively what's wrong, I've been thinking about how amazing it would be to not be in this process. I would love this process to end because we're pregnant - but that dream feels so far away as each month passes. 
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​The cost of ivf freaks me out!  What if we spend every last penny we have, go through all the disruption, pain, and cost and still nothing? There's no money left then for adoption. 
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Answer

So I am very disheartened with the entire newborn adoption system. I really wanted a newborn because as a first-time parent I felt adopting a third-grader it was too much to ask of us. There are no toddlers in the state adoption system that don't need a live-in nurse. If we go years with no baby with the fertility center's help then we might try to adopt an older child. We just really want to experience all the stages of being parents.

Answer

I don't want to destroy anyone's hopes and dreams of a back-up option if TTC never works out, but I do want to honestly warn you all that it's not easy or fast either. My husband's aunt was looking at adoption because she's over 40 and having trouble conceiving a second child. My husband's sister's involved in adoption of an older child and has had joined the foster care system because in theory that helps you get a child faster. It's already been a couple years for them too. The trouble with the foster care system is that it is the state's goal is to put these children back with their original parents they were taken away from in the first place due to abuse or neglect or drugs.
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​I'm hoping this honest view of adoption will help some people somehow. Sorry for so many posts, but the word limit was tough.

Answer

We're about to start our second and last ivf cycle. We have discussed adoption and my husband is open to consider it, but I have decided that I don't want to go down the adoption route. I know that sounds awful, as there are tons of lovely children that need a new home, but I've decided I don't think it's for me. If the ivf doesn't work, that will be it. We will rent our house out and travel the world. Good luck to all of us x x

Answer

I have thought about it of course, and yes sometimes I think that fertility treatments are unnatural, but a lot of people conceive with treatment and wouldn't be able to without it. IVF can be taboo but if I have to do it I would in a heartbeat. I would go through anything I could possibly do to have a chance at conceiving a child.  I want to experience pregnancy, child birth, and a newborn baby. I think that unless I am flat out told I am barren and there's absolutely no way I can get pregnant I wouldn't look into adoption. Adoption is a lengthy and extremely expensive process and I just don't think it's right for me. That being said, I commend those that do it because there are a lot of helpless children who need good homes.

Answer

Since then I've had an HSG, a hysteroscopy and a polyp removal. Our AC unit died and had to be replaced. An old family pet died. Just various things came up which have reinforced that it was not the right time for us with that birthmother. Which is kind of good because I kept questioning my decision. I didn't want to put us in debt to start a family because they get more expensive as time goes on. If we had accepted and rushed the adoption we would've already been five grand in debt, put my husband's job in jeopardy with short notice, and still would have had to pay to replace the air conditioning unit somehow (another $4k).

Answer

We ended up giving up emotionally even though they kept extending our contract. When we were finally matched with a birthmother three months after our contract had officially ended, our homestudy had run out. She was due in three weeks. By this time DH'd already had a vasectomy reversal. We didn't have the additional $10k it would cost to go to court and fly down there for the birth and everything else. To get all of our papers renewed it just would've been too much money and too little time. We had to deny it and just let our contract finally end. It was a very low point for us. One night we had gone from expecting a son in three weeks to finding out the next morning there was no way we could have everything done in time legally. After 2+ years of nothing.

Answer

We actually tried newborn adoption first. My husband had already had a vasectomy. The process was very involved and since it was our first time we didn't know much. We signed up with an advertising company to advertise us to birthmothers. The trouble is this cost a lot of money that we needed for the actual adoption part. We used Everlasting Adoptions. It feels like they forgot about us for two full years which was the length of our contract. They kept extending our contract for free another month but that doesn't extend things like your homestudy that you have to renew yearly which costs $1000.

When is it enough...

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