please help me i’m so tired of this

Hi i’m 16 and this is my story.

I’m gonna try make this soooo quick. My parents are strict iraqi and muslim. They are RACIST especially to black people. But i happened to fall in love with a black boy.

He made me feel special and loved.

It happened together two years ago in November/December time we met on snapchat and we got together on new years. I barely could see him as i’m barely allowed out i’d prob have to skip school or say i’m going to a friends house.

In march we had sex and pls don’t judge i know i was young i regret it so much i regret it so bad 😞

After we finished I checked my phone I had about 3 missed calls from my mum and texts from her saying where are you??? telling me to get hone now. Like an idiot i texted my bf on the bus about the sex and kept the messages.

When i opened the door my mum SLAPPED my face. and i quickly said sorry my phone was on do not disturb she slapped again and took my phone she told me to go upstairs.

I had blood on my pants and didn’t know she said to me are u on ur period again? I said yeah. When I went upstairs i sat down for 5 minutes scared then she came and she locked the bedroom door and the beating was soo so horrible. She told my dad and older brother and they all cane beat me and my baby brother was was 2 at the time stood from the door watching and crying.

It was so horrible

This was just one bruise. And it wasn’t the worst. It was one that wasn’t as bad as the others.

I went school the next day and the bruise was t fully there yet but my face was swollen. I told the teacher (worst decision) instead of helping they made my parents get even more mad. I had to lie and say my baby brother got scared and threw.a toy because whilst we were arguing he thought I was going to hit my mum and dad. My mum told me she was going to do a surgery to stitch up my vagina when i told them they said this was FGM so my parents went to court.

STILL now my parents cuss me out say i’m a whore i’m a prostitute they pray God kills me that I probably want to get gang raped by 20 black me , black men are dirty and i was with them so i’m dirty, if we go outside and see someone black she will point at them and say “Maria go fuck them you might aswell because you won’t get married even if u do i pray he beats u every day no man will love a woman who isn’t a virgin especially if she lost it to a black man”

My aunt sexually abused me as a child (which police got involved into and she was charged) she says I hope she killed u and she loves my aunts more than me and she “kisses her hands” (a saying in our language if u respect someone)

Me and my boyfriend broke up after this because I told him i’m not ready. He doesn’t know any of this. In May this May we got back together as we spoke again couple of months ago( there are now less beatings but still getting really bad things said to me)

I still haven’t seen him and he was getting upset (i’m barely allowed out)

In July my older brother punched my face because he was into an argument with my mum and i told him to stop but obviously when he punched me my mum defended him and all together they were beating me. My mum called my dad. I was too scared if my dad came so I ran away from home.

I ran away for 5 days. The police got involved too. I went to my boyfriends house to stay (told him that i’m sleeping over nothings happened). I had one friend who I told her about what happened so told her about my whole story but luckily I didn’t tell her exactly where i’m staying and who with. I promised her not to tell anyone and that if I come back i’m in so much shit. She said she won’t. On the fifth day she told me come to mine let’s talk about it then go back to wherever you were I just want to see you. When I went there. My mum was hiding behind her fence came and grabbed me and the police cars cane. This whole time she was speaking to my mum. (I’ve cut this girl off, i don’t know whether to block her or not). Should I block her? Let me know because Idk if that’s a friend or not i told her i get beaten

In the police car my mum was cussing me out in our own language. When we got to our house police wanted to speak to me alone. I begged them and said I can’t go home they will beat me. They said i’m still a child so I have to go. I begged them but they didn’t help.

I was forced to go home and it was horrible, i don’t even want to talk about it or go into details.

Start of august. - Ny boyfriend acting weird lately. He would argue with me for no reason. He cheated once and I got all the blame when i told him he broke my heart he said fuck u and ur stupid heart cussed me out and said it’s my fault i’m too annoying i barely see him. He’s the only one I can talk to about all of this. even thou he treat me like shit talking to him makes me feel better he still comforts me sometimes. Til one day he posted a picture of him and a random girl i go who’s this? He goes my girlfriend and blocked me. He posts this girl on snap instagram he never did this to me i must be too ugly or something lol. He treats her like a queen ours her initials in his bio. Lately things been getting worse i’ve been crying since every night he’s all i had now i don’t have him and i’m so alone i want him back but how do i get him back he’s all i had and he doesn’t even know what he did to me he doesn’t know about this situation i’m so hurt. He’s all i fucking had now he’s gone i cry when i get into fights with family mainly because i use to be able to talk to him and he make me feel better now i can’t.

We are in Iraq. We are staying for a month at grandmas house. But fights happening here too. I called my dad today asked for help because it’s getting worse he said to me he’s coming back to Iraq and we are never going england again because i don’t deserve to be there my mum said it’s not true he’s just saying it but what if it is no one is helping me they all start on me and no one helps me hugs me tells me i’ll be ok comforts me i can’t even talk to no one my boyfriend is gone i have nobody nobody at all.

I want to go back to Manchester so bad i HATE it here but i want to leave my house but where do i go i have no family my boyfriend is gone.

What do I do.

I’m sick of this please please please help i’m tired i’m tired