This is why I cheated.. 😭💔 LONG POST

It’s been 2 years since this even happened and it’s almost 11 pm and I’m still finding myself almost in tears over the whole situation.

I was with Jacob (not his real name) for six months and I still swear two years later that he’s the love of my life/the one that got away. We almost didn’t get together in the first place because of my ex, Nathan (again, not his real name), but that’s a whole different story.

I think in a way, we were doomed from the start. We had already had so many problems before we were even together and it ended pretty bad for both of us because we both loved each other so much but it was just too hard anymore.

So long story short, Jacob and I had been fighting more recently about his ex, Michelle (not her real name) because I was convinced for whatever reason that he still loved her and was going to leave me for her; none of which was true so I’m not sure why I believed Nathan when he told me Jacob was cheating on me with her. Nathan lied to me and it wasn’t the first time he had done anything in his power to ruin a relationship for me. Before you ask, I was talking to my ex because his cousin is my best friend and she told me he was suicidal so I checked on him. I had every intention of telling Jacob about this.

I was staying with my uncle on vacation when all this happened and Jacob and I were fighting yet again about Michelle. I was crying in my room because I was so terrified he would leave me for her. That same night is when Nathan broke his false news to me. My worst fear at the time came true and Jacob was in fact cheating on me. With her. I was devastated. So what did I do? Instead of asking him about it and talking to him to see if it was true, I gave in to Nathan and sent him multiple nudes to get back at Jacob because in my mind, I was already heartbroken and single as fuck.

I knew as soon as I got back and saw him that it wasn’t at all true. He was so sweet to me and obviously so happy with me and happy to see me. I instantly regretted all of it and was trying to find a way to tell him but come Friday morning it was too late. Someone had already told him and I don’t even know how she found out. He had screenshots. I’ll never forget that last night we spent together. I made him watch the Silence of the Lambs because he’d never seen it while I read my book, After by Anna Todd (if you haven’t read it, please do. It’s amazing!). I was starting to drift off while reading so I put my book down and watched the movie with him instead. I woke myself up snoring and he giggled and said “you’re so beautiful” and I could’ve broke down to him that night and told him everything but I couldn’t find it in myself to do it because I didn’t want to hurt him, even though I already had. He was working nights in the next town over and the last message I woke up to was around 3 am and it said “goodnight baby I love you❤️” I woke up again at 5am and i remember word for word what it said. “If you wanna fuck around and send nudes to Nathan then have a good life with him. I’m done.”

I tried everything to get him to stay and I didn’t even try to justify what I did because it was wrong and I knew that. Nothing would justify that. Ever. We were off and on again until November and we both moved on by December; way too fast if you ask me. He’s had two girlfriends since me and I’ve been with the same guy since 2017.

The whole point of this post was to vent and get it off my chest because the truth is, I never told Jacob that I cheated to get revenge. I never told Jacob that Nathan told me he was cheating on me. I still to this day don’t know why I never told him because i feel like maybe that would have saved us, but that’s a big maybe. And now here I am, two years later still regretting what I did. Still caring about him. Still wondering if we’d still be together if I wouldn’t have cheated.

I honestly wish him nothing but the best because he deserves it. He deserves to be more than happy. He deserves a good woman and a good life. He deserves the good woman that I couldn’t be for him and the good life that I wasn’t meant to be a part of.

They say you’ll never cheat on someone you really love. I find that hard to believe anymore because a big part of me never stopped caring about Jacob. A big part of me still has a place in my heart for him. I think about him all the time. He looks so happy with his current girlfriend and I truly hope he is.

Anyways, sorry for the long post. If it did anything for anyone who made it this far, I hope it made you rethink if you were about to cheat tonight. I hope you go home to that person that you love so dearly and hold them and tell them you love them. I learned my lesson from this experience and would go back if I could and fix it because we’d still be together if I wouldn’t have screwed it all up.

Please no rude comments!! I love my current boyfriend dearly. He knows what kind of history Jacob and I had and that we were friends before we were anything else. I don’t miss being in a relationship with him, but I do miss him being in my life and having him as a friend. I miss the conversations we had and that’s about it. Again, sorry for the long post but I feel like I got a lot off my chest so thank you to anyone that read the whole thing!!