Seeking advice please help!
It’s ok to skim read, I’d just really like to discuss. I know it’s long, sorry lol
My now fiancé does not have a job, is not in school and sits in his dads house all day on the computer practicing to make money with stocks. This includes staring at a screen all day,playing with fake practice money, and watching YouTube videos. He is so cute obsessed with learning penny stocks that he has a tablet, computer, or phone attached to him at all times. I have to actually ask him to put it away sometimes when I want to spend time with him. He lives in his dads house bcuz he can’t afford a place of his own with zero income. His dad looks down on him bcuz he is the only one in the house who doesn’t work and he is 26. His litter sister works, takes care of her two young kids, and learns stocks in her free time AND finds time to spend time with family without talking about work or anything. His little brother works, learns stocks, and still has time to relax and spend time with family. Right now I’m staying at My fiancé’s dad’s house where my fiancé pays NONE of the bills. I’m only staying here bcuz my fiance asks me to stay all the time but I have a family and can spend the night at their house. I have my own house but the AC is broken and any homeowner knows it cost a good bit of money to buy a central AC unit for an entire house. Anyway I’ve carried my then boyfriend and now fiancé for some time. He only ever had a place of his own while in grad school (on campus apartment with roommate). Anyway when he stayed with me he did not pay bills. He have me $600 over the course of many months. I worked two jobs. And he worked on writing his book in the café or in the house. He finally got a job at a dollar store but then quit after there was an armed robbery. He worked like 3-4 weeks b4 quitting on the spot. He said he wanted to support me months later while I was in my master’s program and he had finished his. So he got a job at UPS but quit within a week bcuz the work was hard and he was itchy. He went to the doctor and turns out, it wasn’t mites from cardboard boxes, he just had dry skin and wasn’t putting on lotion enough🙄. Then I helped him get another job, he worked there for a month and a week or 2, then he quit because the children were mean to him and the supervisors wouldn’t do anything about it. Mind you, he took up a job working in a detention center with kids with psychiatric illnesses and behavioral issues. And they were kids so🤷♀️. All the while I had been working two jobs and doing grad school full time and driving us around bcuz his car got repossessed bcuz he thought he could just not pay the bills and they would be ok with that. I’m a year younger than him, I knew that. I’ve been knowing him since high school. We dated for a short time back. He did not come with a sliver spoon in his mouth. But he acts as if things will fall out of the sky and land in his lap. Like he’s never had to work for anything. He is from lower class I am from first generation middle class (everyone but my mom had only some high school education, she had a master’s. She has since passed away.
ANYWAY, that was background. My main concern(s). He proposed without a ring, I said yes. He has still not put a ring on my finger. He is ashamed to tell anyone we are engaged bcuz he lives with his dad, has no job with an Ivy League masters degree, and no car. I don’t care about material things but I do care where his heart is. He is beginning to lack motivation in all areas and it’s impacting me now. It’s bothersome that he only applies for job when I ask if he has. He only calls jeweler to check on the ring when I ask. He only tells ppl we are engaged if I make a big fuss about it. He told his little brother and sister in front of me like okay. Just found out today that he has not told his parents🙄. He lies so much to everyone around about all kinds of things bcuz he lies first to himself. It is very irritating bcuz I’m there always and I know the truth and have to listen to him tell everyone “oh yeah I decided to turn my car in cuz it was too expensive” meanwhile it got repossessed and I drive us around. The only reason he is able to provide food sometimes or gas money is because he gets an allowance from a millionaire friend and writer of his. I won’t mention the person but many of us know the man. He invested in my fiancé as a high schooler after hearing his diamond in a rough against all odds story. And my fiancé is riding that wave even still as a 26 year old man. He never knows how much is on the card but it gets refilled every month so he just swipes till a cashier somewhere whispers to him that it is declined. It’s not big money. And when it declines I foot the bills. Plus I have a house, car, insurance if my own to pay plus take care of him. I started working a side job on top of my job in which I use my master’s degree. The part time job is easy money but I’m outside all day. He asked me to help him get the job so I stick my neck out for him AND drove to work on a day I don’t even work and agreed to work the first shift with him. He quit in the first 50 minutes. Did not even complete a shift. I love him but it hurts me to see him not getting anything done as a man. I feel like the man and lol I’d much rather be the lady in this relationship! On top of financial strain he has undiagnosed mental abnormalities. I do Counseling for a living so this isn’t a jab at him, I’m actually concerned. It’s a lot for me to deal with at times when his behavior and mood is up and down. He’s not true to his word he gets very angry over small mishaps in the way in which a 2 year old might. We have been together for a little over 3 years and have known each other for years I haven’t met the real him until this year in our relationship and it’s a lot to take in. Just when I think that’s it, he opens another pandora’s box. What do you all make of this? How would you feel?