So I have sex anxiety. I’m not afraid to have sex (anymore) but trying new things is something that makes me feel very insecure. Allow me to explain.

While growing up, I was put into a situation where I was teased about being a woman. My ex and his friends would constantly make jokes about sucking dick and would talk mad shit about using women for those kinds of things. (One specific example, they joked about taking me down to the gym at school and sucking dick in front of all the kids there in the morning). This was middle school; I wasn’t doing these kinds of things and the boyfriend at the time was so shy that his face turned red at someone mentioning holding my hand. And yet, he would have no problem making these kinds of jokes and speaking about me, other females, and the idea of sex in general in such... harsh ways? this was a constant in this time in my life. It was always very specific.

I saw it as a great disrespect for a long time. I knew they were just middle school boys being immature and while I didn’t take it personally, I was surprised later in life to find that I hated the idea of doing these things. Frankly, I felt like I would be disgusting.

Does this make any sense? 😂

Anyway, I’ve been slowly coming to terms with the fact that this isn’t the case. My boyfriend of 5 years is extremely patient with this hitch of mine, and is very respectful of me trying things at my own pace. I am very encouraging of others doing this, and I don’t find any disgust in the acts themselves. Only when it involves me.

Tonight I tried something new, and I just needed to get it off my chest. Does anyone else relate to this?

Help me with the reassurance? I keep telling myself:

Sex is not disgusting

People have their own pace for everything

It’s okay to try new things

And most importantly

ITS OKAY TO ENJOY THOSE NEW THINGS.

I guess I just need someone to tell me I’m not crazy? 😂 TELL ME ITS OKAY TO EXPERIMENT WITH SEXUALITY. I NEED SOME GIRL POWER TO HELP COMBAT MY NEGATIVE THOUGHTS