The meds worked, which means no d&c, and for that im grateful. For everything else, fuck!

Sitting here on the train, surrounded by strangers but completely alone, feel like I want to die in the moment. its just a moment, and I know it will pass, but in this moment, damn it would feel good - the emptiness, the silence. Instead, I’ll sit here and squint my eyes closed as hard as I can, for as long as I can, until the speckles of lights and colors form and eventually fade back to black. This is The closest feeling to turning the lights out I can get. Is that what it was like for you little blueberry? I’ll sit here like this for as long as I can, I dont care who sees or if they wonder wtf Im doing. when I do open my eyes again, I’ll see the hope, I hope. If not, I’ll repeat this over and over and over and over, and again and again and again. Temporary death, momentary dolor. Its always darkest before the dawn, so for fucks sake I hope the sun wont let me down this time.