I recently found out that my husband has cheated on me multiple times, and has a really terrible porn addiction. He slept with two women early in our relationship, the first one was the first couple weeks after we started dating, and the second was a couple months after. He introduced me to the second one after he slept with her and we became really good friends, or so I thought. The three of us all moved in together. I was always suspicious because I saw the lust in his eyes when he would be around her, but he always denied it and I loved him. Well she ended up getting back on drugs and we made her leave. I got pregnant, and we got engaged. Everything seemed so perfect. I was so blissfully unaware of the things he had done.

Fast forward to a little over a month ago. He was on a gaming chat room and ended up sexting with another woman, getting naked photos and saying really nasty things to her.

So I finally found out all of this, and now I don’t know what to do. We have two beautiful little boys, and he and I are in counseling but it’s like this pain inside of me, this fiery anger is all consuming. How could he do such terrible things? How could he lie for so long? Why is this all coming out now? Why wasn’t I good enough?

He seems like he is truly willing to do whatever it takes to earn my trust back, but how could I ever trust him again? I can’t see that ever happening. How did I not know who I married? I feel like everything we’ve ever shared was a lie. Does he even love me? I’m so broken and I don’t know what the right thing is anymore. I love him so much and I know he’s truly remorseful and repentant, I just don’t know how I can heal from this.

Has anyone ever been through this and gotten through it with your spouse? I just need some hope or something. I feel so alone in this.