Relationship advice (long story )

So I’ve been single for almost a year now . My last relationship was kinda shocking for me . I loved him so much that I thought things were going well . I known him for about 8 years . We dated on and off . We stopped talking for a year . He moved about an hour away . We reunite and made it official and lasted 2 years . He told me he couldn’t be in a relationship because he wasn’t feeling himself and that he feels lost . We took a break hoping he’ll get back to himself but I knew something was wrong . So I called it off . It literally broke me because I was also going through some other things and I needed his help and he wasn’t there . Anyways within about a month after we broke up I get a text from him saying he’s sorry and wanted to give me closure . Tbh it didn’t help . He made it worse . He basically wanted to have sex only . That hurt me even more because the sex was intense . The sex wasn’t just sex for me . It felt really real something that I never felt before with anyone else . Once he told me that I literally started balling crying. I haven’t heard from him since . Which is a good thing...

The thing is , I miss feeling loved by someone. I miss kissing someone and feeling some type of way with someone. I’m not saying I miss my ex . I just wanna feel special with someone that actually loves me . But at the same time I’m scared to be in a relationship. I’m scared that the next person is gonna hurt because of what my ex did to me . My walls and standards are so fucking high and it sucks .

I had a guy friend that was basically there for me when everything happened. He wanted a relationship at the wrong time . I told him many many times that I wasn’t ready . But he kept being pushy and jealous that I’ll go out with someone else but him . So I snapped at him and basically told him to fuck off because he’s just a friend . Finally he realized I didn’t want anything to do with him so he stay as a friend.

What I’m trying to say is, I miss having someone in my life. I tried a couple dates but they weren’t that interesting. Idk if I’m being picky?