Should men ask their gf father if they can marry her?

Question

I am in a dilemma and I need all of y’all to help me out, if you can. Me and my boyfriend got a bit too intoxicated and he brought up he wants to marry me and make his dad proud. I told him I’d love to get married. The next day we talked about it sober and we still were on the same page. I called my mom and told her we are talking about marriage (we already live together, we have a dog, we’ve been together for 6 years) and the first thing my mom said was “did he talk to your step dad?” And I was like uhhh? No? Just a little back story, me and him NEVER get along. I had to move out bc of his anger issues. He never hit me but he’s abused our dog, I’ve seen him get pretty physical with my brothers and he once got into my face when I was 10 years old and said “ if I wasn’t a good man I’d leave your mother because of you.” And that has stuck with me still to this day.. we actually just started speaking again after months of straight up ignoring each other but he apologized and told me “you will Always be my little girl and I’m sorry we don’t get along” and since then it’s been fine. My biological dad has been on hard drugs my whole life and doesn’t matter. My step dad also was very very mean and judgemental to my boyfriend in high school and it truly caused emotional scaring to the point we almost ended things cause he wasn’t welcome to my house or around my immediate family. Anyways, my bf is refusing to ask my step dad for permission to marry me and I could care less but my mom is THROWING A FIT! Saying it’s not real or supported until he sits down with my step dad and I’m asking, does he literally HAVE to? Is that still even a thing? How in the world do I go about planning a wedding when my mom basically said it’s not a thing until he talks to my step dad but he is refusing and I literally do not care if he does/doesn’t. I just need some insight

Answer

I think it’s nice to ask for the parents’ blessing, but not for “permission”

Answer

Usually I say yes, it’s just a respectful tradition. But in this situation, I say do what you want. If you’re bio dad isn’t in the picture and your step dad sucks... I wouldn’t care about their opinions or blessing.

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No, we need to get way past the idea that the father owns his family, especially his daughters.

Answer

Depends on the family.  In this case, no, I don't see it being a big deal that he didn't ask.  Or doesn't ask.

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It depends on the family dynamic and beliefs. If it were important to you, then I would say yes. If you had a close relationship with your father figure and it was important to the father figure, I would say sure. If its something important to your partner, then sure. However at the end of the day if you guys want to get married and theres no real issue about you guys getting married, you should be free to do it, permission or not. If your mom doesnt want anything to do with your marriage if you dont get permission, girl that's her problem and shes going to regret behaving like this. It sucks not having her support, but this is not a good reason to not get married.

Answer

Nope nope nope. My step dad is a insane abusive controlling paranoid psycho path and I would NEVER give him the chance to turn down MY proposal you know? My step dad has been around since my mom was pregnant with me and he's always been this way and I get panic attacks every time he calls or texts. I feel your step dad shouldn't have that either since he already made you and your OH feel so badly all these years. Just be civil and mature and explain its YOUR choice ultimately anyways and you'll be the one marrying him not them so...lol good luck sweety

Answer

My husband “asked” my dad for his blessing. Not so much asked though really, he informed him before he ever asked me to marry him. He didn’t with my step dad though because me and him aren’t really that close. Also my dad was dying of cancer so he wanted him to be included since we knew he wouldn’t make it to our wedding. He drove 7 hours away just to see him and ask. It’s not a requirement though and there is nothing wrong with him not doing it either. It’s totally up to y’all. For me, I’m so happy my husband did

Answer

I personally don't think so. If you're old enough to get married you don't need anyone's approval. It does largely depend on culture as well.
When my husband and I announced our engagement, I told my dad and he literally just said, "finally". He didn't expect my husband to talk to him or anything. But the same can't be said for other families.

Answer

Meant to press no, definitely no need if you two aren’t close at all

Answer

Blessings is one thing but in your situation I'd say no. I told my now husband he wasn't allowed to ask my step dad because my bio dad wasn't able to give him his blessings. He recently told me my bio dad told him within our first few months of dating that he better marry me one day

Should men ask their gf father if they can marry her?

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