Sick of seeing negatives..

My husband and i have been ttc.. I have been nausiated for almost a week usually at night , multiple bad headaches a day even though i drink water , bad back pain, diahrrhea for a week (tmi sorry) and had severe cramps for 4 days strait mostly sharp stabbing... So i thought maybe im feeling the early symptoms more severe than for my first pregnancy ... Im 5 days before my period is due and i tested only to get a negative. I know im eary but it was just a wave of dissapointment washing over me . When we tried for my 2yo son it took a long time to get a positive , this morning just reminded me of all those negative tests and wondering how long itll take this time... 😢 im just venting and i didnt tell my husband.. Because again its early i could get a positive in 2 days for all i know but im just sad because what if i dont ... I dont think he even knows i bought the tests , i didnt tell him because it was emotionally draining on him too when we were trying so long for our son , i dont want him to focus on it since we only have been trying a couple months so far, maybe if it hits like 4 or 5 months of negatives ill talk to him tell him its upsetting me because i do actually buy the tests and i cry a little every time we get a negative.

Sorry about the long post, i dont need advice or help just venting... It makes me cry a little harder to write it out and put it out there , but I do feel some relief not keeping this to myself . i just dont want hubby to dwel on this hes stressed enough with work and everything else, i just want to surprise him with a positive <3 our son wasnt a surprise when i found out, he knew i was buying tests and he would ask me when i peed if its positive ... So i never got to surprise him. This time i bought a tshirt for my son ( its a 3t hes a 2yo but the shirt is just baggy and if it takes a while he can grow into it) its a little rabbit holding a sign that says "im so cute my parents are having another" i saw it when i was at Savers and i had to get it and hide it away so i can eventually sirprise hubby --- i was thinking bring him a coffee at work and be like "how do you like Damions new t-shirt, he loves it so much " <3

Wishful thinking i guess