Welp, I need advice...

I’m trying to organize my thoughts around my relationship. I think I might be in a toxic marriage but I really really really don’t want to accept that possible reality.

Most times our relationship is loving and thoughtful, but our disagreements are occurring more frequently.

The latest situation....

I work late nights and I usually don’t get home until 10:00PM. I called him before coming home because we need groceries and I wanted to let him know that I was stopping at the market. When I called to explain my disposition, he cut me off and said that he will talk to me about that in the morning and told me not to go.

So I get home and our boys (5 and 6) are still up watching television and eating. He tells me to sit down and eat; I listened. Then, he pulls out my step son’s (age 5) homework, and begins to do homework with him. He tells me to read to my bio son(age 6), while those two do homework, so I did. I finished reading before they were finished working, so I have my bio son practice writing a few sight words.

Then, we they were finished, they went back to watching television. So, I asked my husband, “don’t you want them to goto sleep?” And he responds “no, they can watch tv.” Mind you, it’s 11:15PM at this point. So I get annoyed but I don’t say anything to him about it. I tell my bio son to go upstairs and goto bed; then I asked my step son, if he wanted to go to bed too. (Now mind you, my instinct was to tell both of them to goto bed, but I didn’t want to overstep a boundary between my husband and his bio son.) My step son told me no, so I went upstairs to bed.

Now while laying in my bed, I thought to myself, “he is going to be mad at me for leaving my step son downstairs even though he told him to watch tv.” Well, I was right.

Fast forward to this morning, I woke up at 5:40AM to goto the market to get lunch for the boys. I made it back in the house at 6:15 AM. My bio son has to catch his school bus by 6:42AM and we walk out the door by 6:35AM. That gives him 20 minutes to get up, get dressed, brush his teeth, and make lunch(I do this part). This boy HATES getting up and my husband did not wake him up yet. So I go upstairs, turn the lights and tell my bio son to get up and get dressed. Of course he cries because he’s being rushed. I turn the light on in our room where my husband is sleeping to find a uniform for my bio son. Then, I can’t find one and end up finding a new uniform somewhere else. I turn our light off and give the my bio son his uniform.

Then, I go back downstairs to finish the boys lunches. My husband finally gets up and starts to help get the boys ready. My bio son is still crying because he says he’s tired. I feel bad but what can I do? I can’t keep him home, I have to work myself in a few hours...So I pack his lunch, grab his backpack and out the door we go.

We make it to the school bus on time!

Then, the next task was getting my step son to school, which is a 30 minute drive from home. My husband tells me that he can drive him and he doesn’t need me to go, but the car is in my name and he is not on my insurance and it’s rush hour and we don’t have any funds to pay for car repairs right now. So I reassure him that I can drive without explaining anything I just told you guys.

We also get my step son to school on time!

I felt accomplished.

Then, he says to me “next time he tells me to do something, then I need to do it.”

I look at him confused.

I ask,”what is that statement in reference too?”

He starts yelling and cursing at me, saying that I don’t have any respect for him and he told me he would goto the market, and I went any way. He didn’t like how I woke the boys up, he thought I was too aggressive. He also didn’t like how I left my step son downstairs the night before. He accused me of not really caring for my step son and not treating him like a son. He said if I disagreed with his decision last night, then I should’ve spoken up and put my foot down.

So, now I’m upset.

I felt like I was being tested and I failed miserably. As I thought about everything he said. I thought about why I made those decisions. I came to the conclusion that I was afraid to go against him to a degree, although when I told my bio son to for upstair, I went against him. Then, I honestly don’t recall him tell me that he would goto the store, but apparently he claims he did.

So, I’m coming to the conclusion that I don’t fully trust him and I like to be in control when I feel insecure about a situation.

I feel like if he wanted to make me feel secure, he would’ve went to the market while I was working and he would’ve had the uniforms for both boys together and laid out and both boys would’ve been sleep...

what do you guys think?