How much help?

Question

How much does your partner help with the baby? Our little guy is 7 weeks. I am staying home with him and my husband is working. He is military so he does wake up early and has some late days. 
He helps way more on weekends but on weekdays he’ll help in the evenings for a few hours. I’m obviously with our boy all day and at nights I’m with him all throughout. My husband started sleeping in another room so he can get sleep but i can’t help but feel frustrated with him because I’m the one up all night obviously nursing and changing diapers😞 l
Today I’m running on barely 4 hours of sleep. My husband comes home at 6:30pm complaining he is exhausted and then goes to the gym...I just broke down cause hunny I’m exhausted too and at least he got a full nights rest not having to wake up/ our even hear our baby cry since he’s in a whole different room... ughhh asking for a friend because today has gotten the best of me 😔

Answer

My husband ALWAYS helps. He worked over 80 hours last week somewhere without air conditioning and still managed to come home and wake up at least once with the baby. On a normal work week, he works until 3 pm and comes home and knows immediately that I need relief from the babe. He would tend to him by himself all evening and all night if I asked him to. I am not trying to be harsh but I’m very confused as to why women allow their husbands to do this stuff. Your baby isn’t 80% your responsibility and 20% his just bc you’re the woman. No... he made the conscious decision to MAKE a baby with you. It’s 100% and 100%. And as far as I’m concerned, you’re working JUST AS HARD as he is or harder. You both have full time jobs. You both work long hours. Tell him to suck it up. You guys did the thing and had a baby together and are married. Mistake #1 about no help in the nights is allowing him to sleep in another room. Sit him down and tell him exactly what you have told us. He needs to help you in some way. You need more sleep to take care of yourself and baby or you will get burnt out and trust me, neither of you want that. Wake him up and order him to go change the diaper. Pump and have a bottle of breastmilk ready. Wake him up and order him to feed. I could go on and on... I hate that for you. I don’t know where the hell dads get off thinking that their babies aren’t just as much as their responsibility. Rant over... good luck, mommy! ❤️

Answer

I don’t like the term “help” it’s called parenting! Unless you two had an agreement beforehand. My husband does just as much as I do when he’s home, obviously he can’t feed her yet but he contributes to every other aspect of parenting

Answer

Everyday when he gets home from work and we both wake up at night. He will make her bottle and change her while I use the bathroom then I come back and feed and burp her before putting her to bed again. I take care of her through the day but even he has admitted that going to work is somewhat of a break. So I appreciate it when he takes her even for a minute when he gets home. Taking care of a baby is no easy feat especially if you have more children. This is my first baby but it’s still hard. Talk to your husband. It’s unacceptable in my opinion to think you don’t have a responsibility to your child just as much as mom does even if she’s off work.

Answer

My hubby parents anytime he’s home with our kids. I refuse to call it “helping” because that makes me feel like it’s all my responsibility and it leads me to resentment. So we say that it’s parenting because we are both equally parents of our children. However, we do parent differently. It’s hard with newborn babies. Especially if mom is breastfeeding, because dad can’t feed baby and mom needs to pump if she doesn’t feed baby herself (which for me is often more frustrating than breastfeeding). With our first, my husband was not as involved at night and I about went crazy and suffered with ppd. He was working two jobs and struggling with mental health and addiction issues at the time though. This is our second now, and he’s more involved all the time. He doesn’t do a lot with our newborn, except sweet fun stuff, but with our toddler he’s the primary caregiver right now. That seems to work well for us both. He does most things with our toddler and I do most things with the newborn.
I will tell you though, that with both babies co-sleeping (with safety guidelines given us by our doctor and the doctor gave us the go ahead too because our risk is so low and I was suffering so much) has been a lifesaver for me. I’m a working mom, so sleep is very important for me too. Breastfeeding is so much easier for me when baby is right next to me and I can snuggle her during the feed and then put her back safely in sleeping position and go to sleep myself. Baby sleeps really well too. If you do co-sleep though, educate yourself on risk factors and how to do it safely for baby. It’s still important to follow as much of the safe sleep guidelines as possible and make sure you’re sleeping on a flat bed and not a couch or chair etc.

Answer

Since my husband went back to work I don’t wake him for diaper changes at night anymore. In the morning my husband is holding the baby until he has to leave and he will do a diaper change before he goes. The second he gets home from work he’s dying to hold the baby and he doesn’t mind doing diaper changes then either. We’re breastfeeding so he can’t help much with feedings, although yesterday I went to pick us up some dinner and he gave the baby a bottle of frozen breast milk while I was gone. He loves the baby so much and he wants to do whatever he can. I honestly think he wishes he could breastfeed too 😂 he’s smitten.

Answer

He's helped a couple times but not as much as i'd like.

Answer

He helps with the baby whenever he's home.... Soon as he gets home from work at night we all spend time together for an hour or 2 then he lets me sleep after 6am I take care of her while he gets some sleep then when he's up he helps until he leaves for work

Answer

Help with the baby? Not too much but he helps with our older son. Taking him to and from football practice, baths, getting him to leave me alone for a solid 5 minutes, etc. he also helps with keeping the house clean, and yard work. It really takes the stress off so I actually am able to sleep when the baby sleeps. 
There has been a couple days he’s taken the baby downstairs so I was able to get a nice long nap in. And it was much appreciated. I try not to ask for much help since he works 12 hour shifts 6 days a week. And I’m on maternity leave for 2 more weeks, so all I do is stay home.

Answer

Zero so far.  But it’s not really his fault.  He had pneumonia at first and couldn’t come to the nicu.  Then he got called out of town for work for 2 weeks.  I’ve literally done everything alone so far.  
I have barely kept it together and not snapped on him when I’m hitting a wall of pure exhaustion and it isn’t even his fault so I’d definitely be losing my shit if he were here and I was still doing it all alone.

How much help?

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