am i the only one that gets like this?

when i’m on my period my depression just like skyrockets. i don’t really cry but for some reason i can keep back those one or two years when i’m on my period. my thoughts go wild and i get really paranoid. and i even will like have thought of rly bad things that i cant even bring myself to say. i feel totally alone and for the past few months i’ve felt numb but now i feel again and i can’t stand it. i want to be numb again. i don’t want to feel anymore.