Heartless?

I had a chemical pregnancy this month and it honestly felt like such a wake up call . We have been actively trying for 10months now and to see that postive I felt so many different emotions and not the best ones to be completely honest. I just thought of my weight ,my ppd, the sleepless nights and my youngest not being my youngest anymore. I cried like a baby for 3 days (on and off) but I felt this guilt for thinking "now I can get more mentally/ physically prepared for a healthy pregnancy " we will be taking 6 months off from trying to conceive, if I'm not mentally ready then it will be longer. Am I heartless for thinking like this ? I had a name picked out and everything but my mind just kept telling me something wasent right.