AF due 10/18 - TWW is killing me!

TTC 7 months
AF is due October 18th
Currently 9dpo
Irregular Cycles
Anyone in same boat?
I want to test so bad! I don't think I ovulate every cycles, but OPK and BBT says I ovulated 10/3... I hope this month isn't another let down :( I am so anxious. Some months it's all I can think about and others I am calm.