I’ve been so depressed and I finally reached out.

Hi everyone. Lately I’ve been feeling so depressed. I’m the one that holds everyone together. I’m the shoulder everyone cry’s on. You need me? I’m there. You need a place to crash? No problem. You need some encouraging words? I got you. I’ve always appeared to have it all together as I always appear to have the answers. I uplift the people around me the best I can.

So as you can imagine going through a depression, internalizing it out of fear I would inconvenience others or setting myself up for disappointment has a serious toll on a person. Today for the first time in my life, I almost fainted. I almost fainted while I’m home alone with my 2 year old. I was sitting at the table with her, leaning over and eating dinner when all of a sudden a rush of warmth took over my body, my face, my head both begun to tickle as the room around me begun to spin. Something in me told me to lean back and so I did in that split second this was happening and that’s when the feeling of fainting trickled away leaving my body in a hot sweaty state for about 5 minutes before I get at a normal temperature again. This scared me. What happens if I actually did faint? No ones home. No one would notice for hours while my toddler could get her self in dangerous positions.

Tonight I decided to reach out to my 2 younger adult sisters. I asked if anyone can come stay with me for a couple of days. Told them about how I was feeling through my tears. Told them (for the first time in my 29 years on this planet) that I needed someone. A side note. Where I live, I don’t have anyone near me and I am married but my husband is away on business right now and it would make my situation worst if he lost out on it. It’s a difficult situation. My family all live about 5 hours from me.

Anyway one of my sisters sent me a screenshot of her train ticket to come here TOMORROW! I wasn’t expecting that. I honesty don’t know what I was expecting but it wasn’t that. She called me to tell me she loves me and she will be here. Immediately some of the anxiety I had been feeling felt a little lighter. Just knowing I have someone that is there and all I had to do was open up and ask. I would of been happy if she just gave me a listening ear. But this goes above and beyond.

Moral of this story. Be there for your friends and family. You never know what silent battles they’re currently fighting. Asking for help especially for me is basically unheard of and I’m so glad I reached out. If someone trusts you enough to finally open up to you, just listening can mean everything.