My little but Big issue

So when I was 12 I got raped by my step dad, after that I used to get this "weird" feeling.

I say weird feeling, I can't explain what it feels like, but it's mixed with Anxiety. Really bad anxiety.

Ever since I got pregnant with my second baby, that same weird feeling happens too me. I'm not sure why.

I talked to my sister and she told me maybe because I am having a girl and I fear that happening to her.

Well, when I got pregnant I always thought it was gonna be a girl, and got it confirmed now.

Anyone who has been raped before. Do you get this same weird, anxiety feeling now til this day? Or even more during a pregnancy?

I like literally can't enjoy my pregnancy or pregnancy related topics without getting this feeling. It's quite sad and depressing. Like I avoid all pregnancy related stuff because of this "weird " feeling I get. That I can't shake.

Please help.