Emotional Support Animal pleaseee

OK so please don’t judge me for this or make fun of me or tell me I shouldn’t do this because I’ve already made up my mind. I really want some sort of emotional support animal but my parents won’t let me have a dog. Honestly I thought about getting a bearded dragon I can just put on my shoulder and walk around my room with or read with it on my lap but I don’t know where I can get one...without my parents knowing especially because I’m under the age of 18. I could probably pay for it and I will take really good care of it but I really want some sort of animal that I can be attached to ever since my dog died. I know it would be kind of hard to keep an animal secret for my parents but I really need to do this. I have the DPDR, anxiety, PTSD from abuse from a family member, and diagnosed depression and I am suicidal almost 24/7 which is kinda scary. I just want something I can just love the crap out of and give me a reason to want to be here. I have therapists already and I’ve told them about this too. I just don’t know. Any advice?