Am I allowed to be upset?

Sorry long rant. So recently we found out we are having a baby girl so baby shower planning is in full swing. My mother was the one that volunteered to throw it (ugh). Not to sound ungrateful but she tends to make everything about herself including my baby she is always calling it grammy's baby and grammy's angel even after we told her to stop calling our baby that. (Its painful as it reminds of our first baby had a mmc). She always posting about our baby but only ever talking like it's hers. So anyways first thing that made me mad I asked her to throw it at the beginning of February since it will be financially easier on everyone since Christmas and my nephew's and husband's birthday are all within a couple of weeks of each other. She said no she wants to throw it December 30th. I told I couldn't do that as it is the day before my husband's birthday and we would be on our annual trip to Nashville to visit my grandparents, dad, and some of my siblings. She was like well you wouldn't have to go down if I throw one cause you grandparents will come here for it. Yea that's true but what about my siblings that live with their dad he won't let them come and I only get to see them maybe once or twice a year when we go down for vacation. Second is where she wants to throw it at. She wants to throw near her house at a church or community center even though I asked if we could have a simple one at my grandparents on my mom's side like she did my older sister which is not even down the street from where she lives. I even suggested a place right in between where we both live as I live at least a 40 minute drive from her. But no she wants it near her at a church. I thought that my opinions kinda matter since it is a baby's shower for my baby. She hasn't asked me a single thing about what I would like or what theme I wanted so I feel she is throwing this party more for herself so she can be the center of attention than it is to celebrate my miracle baby. Do I have a right to be upset that I feel like she is not only trying to take over my baby shower but trying to take over my baby as well (she has done some other stuff as well to make me feel like this but I'm not gonna go into as it's another long story). I'm just so frustrated and feel like I can't even bond with my own baby cause it feels like everyone has plans for her already and none of which involve me. I just feel like I'm just an incubator for this child not her mother. Honestly I'm starting to get depressed because of it feels like she isn't mine baby.

Edit ***Just to clarify this is my mom's second grandchild ( she doesn't even visit the first one even though she lives five minutes away from them) and also planned the baby shower for the first one. Also my mother is an attention whore no offense to anyone. She has also had 7 children of her own and she is shitty mother. She just popped out babies because she got attention from it after she had them she throw them off on me and my older sister to take care of. You can ask my siblings I was practically their mom growing up I had no childhood it's was going to school come and clean the house make food and take care of the kids and when I graduated I had to work then come home a do all that. All the while my mom laid in bed watching tv and popping Tylenol pms to sleep so she didn't have to deal with the kids and whole bottles of laxatives to lose weight (she also made herself throw up every time she ate). But now that my mom can't have anymore kids ( she even tried to get her tubes untied at the age of 45) due to menopause she is trying to live vicariously through me and my sister. She is constantly pushing for my sister to have another baby even though my sister has pcos and she got lucky getting pregnant naturally with my nephew and My mom knows this but she still pushes which makes my sister upset. All in all I don't have a very good relationship with my mother she is very toxic and was horribly mental and physically abuse to me growing up I feel bad for my youngest two brother that still live with her.