I’m going nuts

Me and my current boyfriends relationship has been a roller coaster since we’ve been together. We started dating last September I fell completely head over heels for him, I fell inlove.....but he’s controlling and a liar and he manipulates me into thinking I’m nothing unless I have him. Rewind to February of this year, I found out I was pregnant we were both very happy, sad to say I only made it to 8 weeks and I miscarried and had to have a d&c. He was not a good support system AT ALL, he took a 3rd shift job with his buddy when I told him it was a bad idea, we have 2 other kids, well every other morning he wouldn’t come home him and his guy would go fishing and I couldn’t get him to come home and he wouldn’t talk to me for hours, he made my life hell i literally thought I was going nuts. Well I finally talked him into going back to his old job, that literally lasted a week and he quit so guess what? He didn’t have a job and I was out of work, we fell behind ALOT my parents had to get involved to help us. Well July he had found another job, and he came home from his last day from work for the week and wanted to go to the bar with the same guy he’d go missing with for hours, well I wasn’t okay with it and we got into this big thing and I ended up leaving and was otw to meet my family at the beach because he said he was leaving and needed “ time “ he called his brother who drove from another county to come get him and he didn’t even leave he calls me and says “ I cant loose y’all I love y’all please come home “ I came home everything was good for awhile, rewind one more time. In the middle of that fishing spree he had soon after he made me out to be a complete fool and his family was bad mouthing me after everything I’ve done for them, giving them a place to stay, to loaning them money, and he was trying to franticly just up and move and leave our house that’s fully paid for🤦🏼‍♀️ anyways back to after the beach so everything was good for a while now we’re back to the same shit, literally! He doesn’t value me and my children, he rather spend money on fishing, he spends $150 a week if I let him on fishing, or he will go behind my back! And he doesn’t think he has a issue and he says he is doing somethings loves , HE HAS A EXCUSE FOR EVERYTHING!!!!!!!! I’m fed up, I am so fed up, he bad mouthed me, my kids, everything I try to do, I feel so less of my self because he continues to show me that we mean nothing to him! I sat up until 1:50 last night arguing with this man cause I was so hurt, like we were arguing because he kept egging on a situation about a truck that we can’t afford right now cause he spends all the money on fishing, and only reason he wants a vehicle is to do what he wants to do and so he can take off whenever he wants!!!! I NEED HELP ASAP! I’ve been having anxiety attacks I haven’t been eating, I really just don’t know anymore. All I do, is take care of my kids, work 2 jobs and come home to him and them! But all he cares about is having friends, his shitty family, and his freedom, I’m not ok with that, I’m ready for a family! I real family!!!!!!