Quick history: My friend and I have been best friends since we were 11. We are now 35. She knows everything about me, and I know mostly everything about her. Her family is uber conservative and they care a lot of what others could think of them. They, in my opinion, are extremely close-minded about many things. We are both hispanic, and I can agree that being brought up in a hispanic household can be hard as a woman. I believe my family is accepting of things and talk through things, something her family avoids at all costs.

Anyhow, my dilemma is this. I am almost positive that my best friend is lesbian and I resent her for it. I don’t resent her for being gay. I resent her because of the lengths she goes to, to not be true to herself. I can understand her fear of rejection from her family, but it’s hurtful to always be so supportive of her decisions in life and getting her through things (she has low self-esteem) for her to not trust me with her secrets. I resent that she gets so invested in my life, wants to know my deep secrets, wants to judge my decisions, and oftentimes even “hates” on my open-mindedness, successes, relationships, etc. In fact, she hates on many around her, yet she gets really reserved about deep things in her life. I just don’t think that is fair.

Reasons why I feel she is gay: she was very possessive of me in our earlier years and everyone would notice and call out her sexuality because it was that obvious; she is a tomboy, and even when she tries to be girly, it seems off to her personality; she gets really uncomfortable when you bring up sexuality; she never really went through the “boy” stage in our teenage years or college years, she has only been in 1 relationship (1 sexual partner) which was EXTREMELY toxic, they had sex only a handful of times in their 10 years of being together and she was okay with it; her maneurisms are that of a boy, she resents anything uber girly; she avoids anything relationshipy, flirty, any advances from the opposite sex.

Now, I have understood throughtout the years that it is not my place to make her come out. However, understand we are almost 25 years in and we have struggled to stay friends because of the opposite lives we have lead. Our relationship has become so toxic because she resents my strength and I resent her weakness. I just can’t not say something to her when she is being over critical of others, judges people’s lifestyles, etc. She is very, “my shit doesn’t stink” typa girl. When she can’t even be true to herself, and yet demand so much from me. We are not on speaking terms and I just am not not ready to talk to her again until we can address the elephant in the room. I feel my life is so much better without her because of all the negativity she carries. Right now I am at a place where I am okay with her not in my life. Has anyone gone through something similiar where they could advise me of how to handle this? Do I just let that relationship end?