Stay or leave?

Question

I’ve been in a relationship for a year and 6 months now. About 3 months ago my SO and i had a huge fight that shocked both of us. I’ve tried to get over it because we were drinking and said things we don’t want for each other but ever since then I’ve been experiencing physical issues like nausea, dizziness and bowel problems. These are usually tied with panic attacks where i feel like nothing is going to be ok again. 
At first I didn’t connect these issues to my relationship problems but I’ve noticed that they arise or get worse when we have arguments. There are some other issues going on in my life (unemployment and financial) and my SO thinks its tied to that, but i feel like it is because of him. He feels really bad about the fight but feels like i should forgive him or end the relationship. 
Lately he’s been distancing himself which is making me feel insecure. He feels like I’m depressed and he cant help me with that. I really need his support and i’m started to resent him because he’s not supportive trough this hard time for me. It has created an impossible situation where I want him to love and support me but he’s causing me to have panic attacks and when he doesn’t love or support me i resent him... 
When we try to talk about it we just don’t understand each other. He used to be so sweet and caring. He treated me like a princess, and he would do anything to make it work. I understand it’s difficult to be loving when someone is feeling depressed or down but it’s just making me feel even worse.
What should i do?

Answer

It sounds like you need to speak with a therapist about your problems. You can’t place everything on your husband when he’s not a professional.

Answer

Ummm I don’t think it’s solely him causing you panic attack, and that’s not fair to blame him. You have a lot going on right now being unemployed and financial. You need his support, not to push him away. If i was him and you said that to me, I would have walked away especially is my relationship wasn’t solid. 
Sounds like depression and anxiety that you need to work with a therapist and get medication for. I’m not a psychologist though

Answer

It was one fight, 3 months ago....was it physical? What part was super traumatic? Is this your first relationship? Part of life is learning resiliency and finding strength inside yourself. It seems you need to work on that if one argument can throw you in this kind of a tailspin.

Answer

Sounds like in your resentment, you’re pushing him away but then getting upset that he’s distancing himself and not being there for you. Your boyfriend is not your therapist/counselor and it’s unfair to expect that from him. You need therapy for your depression and anxiety because it can ruin your relationship among other areas in your life. You just can’t put the entire burden on him; you have to take responsibility and seek help.

Answer

Relationships aren’t perfect. Arguments happen... and they are way more possible to happen when you’re under the influence. I’m not excusing him at all however when you’re in a relationship and you blame your anxiety or depression on the other person it gets tiring. 
    
  I don’t know how severe the argument was but if you guys were drinking I’d take it with a grain of salt. Seems like you’re making this about him fixing u because you’re very needy of his attention and affection. When it’s really something that u should make an effort to fix. 
  I understand we all need reassurance but if you’re fixating on an exchange of words that happened 3 months ago while drinking... then I think u should break up and seek therapy. Not cause I think your crazy but because I think u need someone to talk to about your anxiety and depression... someone that will help u get to the real root of all the issues. 
  
   My husband and I argue all the time and granted we say things out of anger, then apologize, and move on. Sometimes I stay with those things in my head but we talk about it and put them to rest we just work on never saying things like that to each other again. 
  
   Just make sure he’s really changing his behavior with u before u jump the gun. Could be that he’s frustrated at the fact that you’re holding on to something he’s apologized for and tried to fix but you’re now blaming him for your depression and anxiety. 
  
   Or maybe you could be over analyzing the situation because u let it get to you that bad. Could be a lot of things. Just make sure before u leave that it’s what u really want. Good luck

Answer

You should end it. If he can’t support you through this then yes it will make it worse staying with him. You sound like you are dependent on his support and thats why its effecting you badly.

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