To Start Off:

This is going to sound crazy and be long. I do not need hatred or to be told I'm "stupid". I'm just looking for some advice.

The Situation:

When My son was a month old I found out his father had a girlfriend. I had spent my entire pregnancy believing what he had told me about how once I was no longer pregnant and things had settled down he wanted to attempt to be a family and make it work. I was mad at him for abandoning me during my pregnacy though I did kick him out 3 times during my pregnacy when he stayed with me for being lazy and not helping around the house (he was not working at the time and was living with me wail he job hunted). The girl he dated was the one girl during our early on relationship I ask him to not speak to because she was nasty and kept trying to hang out with him all the time and it was inappropriate which he reapected at the time but then he ended up dateing her for the last 3 months of my pregnacy. Now I acknowledge it was MY choice to belive him and stay single and alone and that we had no obligation to eachother so he could see whoever he wanted but it still really hurt when I found out. On the day I found out he was in this relationship I had planned to talk with him about starting to try to build our romantic relationship up again because I was ready to let him in again. And even knowing the information I had about him dateing I shooted my shot and he said nothing would make him happier and that night he broke things off with his girlfriend and we began again. In August he moved in with me and it was nothing but arguments because he was back to his old ways and now we had a child involved. He wanted to be with his friends and family when he wasn't at work and he would make up excuses to get out of careing for our son and it created an assload of conflict. I accepted all of it as the "norm" for a young Dad who is scared and trying to learn how to be a father a partner and provide for a family which I could imagine is alot and I stuck it out everyday and just focused on the few good days. But then by the end of September when I belived we where finnaly starting to get in the routine of taking care of our baby together and eachother I found out he cheated on me with his Ex-Girlfiends best friend. First thing I did was pack his stuff and throw it all in the bushes down the hill of my house. We fought even had the girl come over because he would not admitte to it at first. Which he didn't admitte to it fully till tonight and it's been 6 weeks. For the 6 weeks he barley made it to visits and by the second week he had came to my house for a visit with hickys on his neck when I questioned him again he gave me hell about it. Not that that's ever stoped me. Then out of no where he said to me "How can I show you that I want to be a family with you, and that you are all that I want?". I was completely confused. I mean he had hickys on his neck which felt like a big "fuck you I don't care about your feelings" to me cause even though I'm mad I never stoped loving him I was never disloyal and I certainly wasn't thinking about jumping into another person's bed/arms and he was asking me this like wtf. Then I find out not only is he living in the parent's house of the girl he cheated on me with but he is also shareing the room he rents with his Ex-Girlfiend and they're supposedly splitting rent for the room and he's driving her car and carpooling with both of them most days for work. So tonight after going back and forth with him for almost 4 weeks (which I'm aware isn't alot of time) questioning him being spiteful and putting him down over and over tonight I made my descion to give him hope. Not false hope not total 100% hope but hope. I asked him to be upfront and just rip the bandaids off tell me all the things he was dishonest about explain the whole act of his affair. He did. Then I asked him why he did it and honestly his answer was pretty similar to how I was feeling in our relationship. We had a really BIG disconnect. We both where going throgh the motions and wanted to love eachother but could never do it at the same time. Of course he had the option always to not be with me and I told him a million times if that's what he wanted I would be just fine and he would always still be our son's father. But instead of telling me how much he was feeling this separation from me he decided to sleep with another women. Which is inexcusable. Then I asked him to basically publicly humiliate himself but making a post his friends/family/ex's and randos can see on his Facebook page explaing everything from start to finnish about what he did also what he wants and what he learned and hopes for his future. The reason I asked him to do this was because I want him to fully take accountability. Since he cheated on me he barley talks to any of his family becuse they all know the situation and are against him because he almost never takes accountability for his actions and always trys to take the easy way out of a hard situation no matter who it effects. Finally I let him know that there is no hope until his Ex-Girlfiend and the person he had an affair with are 100% out of his life. I let him know I will be thoroughly checking every detail from text, snap chats, his where abouts, facebook or anything that he can reach out to the outside world basically and he knows I am 100% and that if I find him deleting information or anything suspicious it's 100% over. No chance no hope I will be going my separate way fully and forever if he is not 100% honest.

Clearly if this is the path I take I'm in for a long hard to swalllow jurney. Realistically there is no world in which this is a quick and easy fix type of sistuation.

So what I am asking for advice for is from those who have been through this (more precisely those who have regained that trust but I appreciate both sides) is it worth it? How did you get through it? What things did you do to hold them accountable for the truth to regain trust? What does my side entail? (Meaning what am I expected to do?)