TW- just in case, wanted to add I’m 20, turning 21.

In July, I came out of a 6 year relationship which was highly toxic, it was physically abusive, I’m still recovering from a fractured eye socket. Because of that relationship I lost A LOT of my confidence in being forward sexually. I just felt disgusted in my appearance because of what my ex had me thinking about it.

I started a FWB relationship with a guy I’ve been friends with since I was 13. It’s been AMAZING, we’re both extremely rough people (sexually, of course) and it just works perfectly for us. My ex was never sexually rough, surprisingly, so to have someone on the same wave length is fkn incredible. But I do still lack confidence. I’m so, so comfortable with this guy (when I was with my ex, we pretty much always were intimate with clothes on because I was so embarrassed over my body, whereas this FWB I feel far more physically comfortable with him and have no awkwardness being undressed? He’s always complimenting my body and just makes me feel so much better about it) I even was okay with him filming some stuff which I not once was comfortable with my ex doing.

Bit TMI but, FWB currently has some erectile issues, we’ve never actually gone as far as having sex, in fact most of our encounters have purely been him doing things to me because he wanted it that way🤷‍♀️ but I’m SO awkward on making a move myself unless I’m totally intoxicated. There’s SO many things which I want to do or say when we’re doing stuff (or even just dirty texting) and I can’t quite bring myself to get there. Or there’s times I want to initiate something but I’m scared it just ain’t one of those times for him 🤷‍♀️ because we are otherwise normal friends, like I spent 5 days at his house and we spent every night playing PlayStation, eating pizza, doing puzzles, watching Netflix & sleeping. But I always think even if I wanted to get sexual, what if he didn’t want to? I feel like I’d make a fool of myself? Would he just start thinking I’m just desperate?

Is there any words of advice someone can offer? I know it’ll take time regardless, but I really wish I could have just a bit more confidence on my side.