Help?!!!😢

Ok so hubby and I have been in a relationship for 5years yes we’ve had our ups and downs let me just say last year we were at the stop light and he said ohh I like that truck I want one and I was like oh wow I’m glad you like it but I don’t think it’s for me but that would be so cool if you got it .. I’d be happy that it would make you happy we ok he backhanded me right in the mouth super hard and busted my lip and told me to shut the fuck up ...😢I cried quietly and my lip was super swollen and bleeding then he drives home and pushes me around and I cry and say please stop and why are you hurting me he then got angry and told me to apologize... We then both made up and the neieve me is still with him take note he has pushed me around and choked me a few times throughout that year but idk what it is but I cannot see myself without him ... he’s not always abusive just when he gets really angry .. ok fast forward to now in 2019 he hasn’t really been too physical anymore because he said he doesn’t want to be like that to me but I just piss him off so much.. I told him I’m not holding him here he’s free to leave if he wants well now when he gets mad he just pushes my head down hard and shakes me around... ... today I put toilet paper in the restroom toilet I never do that so I had no idea why I did but it turns out the paper didn’t go down it stayed in the toilet and he yelled at me like I was a child he kept saying loudly WHY DID YOU DO THAT !!! YOU KNOW BETTER !!!WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT DONT DO THAT AND HE KEPT REPEATING WHY DID YOU DO THAT !!!!! he didn’t hit me but he was just yelling loudly at me as if I was his child I felt so belittled 😢I just cannot win with him .....

I’m sorry for the long rant .. thank you for reading please help