This is kinda long... just need to vent/ someone to talk to...

I am 18 weeks pregnant and found out yesterday that I am having another boy! After two miscarriages and TTC for over a year I am absolutely over the moon. I honestly and truly am so grateful for all my blessings....

My husband and I have had names picked out since before i was pregnant for both a boy and a girl.... and after having said miscarriages I truly felt I would be more than happy and excited for a baby boy or girl.... but today and a little last night I am really shocked at how disappointed I have been feeling..... not meaning to I guess in a way I was really hopeful for a girl.... growing up I did truly always imagine myself having a boy then a girl.... I just don't know though... I feel so sad and I HATE that I feel this way. I have been feeling baby boy move around a LOT this week and that alone is comforting because it reminds me baby is healthy and happy all snug and warm in there.... another reason I feel so disgusted with myself for even feeling this way at all is I know SO many people who have had stillbirths, miscarriages, and babies die from SIDS. And most of them had to go thru <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> or something similar to even conceive at all.... and here I am... able to naturally conceive a baby and baby is growing ahead but in all the right ways.....

I truly am grateful. I am. I thank God every day for my amazing husband, my healthy and happy 2 year old boy who is so excited to have a baby brother, and a healthy baby boy not yet earth side whom I am so excited to meet and cannot wait to hold in March.

But I just hate that I feel this way.. it's so silly and it's killing me inside a little. My husband are wanting 3-4 kids total so it's not like this is my last baby or anything but I still feel like I've lost something.... and kind of broken and sad...... I hate this

anyone else feel this way? I hope I'm not alone... 😞💔

Please no hate.

My beautiful rainbow baby boy... he has my husband's profile 😍 (this is mine and my husbands first baby together, my toddler isn't his biological father)