I need advice I’m so stuck TW

So I was in my night lecture class and I got a text. Thinking it’s my mom I happily I’m locked my phone and I see it’s from j. J and I used to be very very close my freshman year of college. At some point he felt the need to overstep our friendship and decide to make a move which initially I was ok with but I became uncomfortable and was too afraid to say no. We didn’t have sex, it was more touching kissing and finger insertion. I was only 18 he was 23. It hurt me deeply bc I thought I had made a lifelong friend and cared for him as such but I feel it was a lie and ploy to get me in an intimate way. I’m still trying to realize this may have been assault? I am realizing I can retract my consent at any given moment. But I never said yes but I never said no. So I’m stuck. Anyways the text was saying that he still thinks of me and wishes we could gain our friendship back but he wished me the best on my future. I’m a junior now. As a sophomore we “reconnected” but it felt weird. I realize now at the time I was still in denial of my assaults of the prior school year (long story ) that I didn’t think it was wrong of me to not really think about it. However I did write him a long message about how I felt he assaulted me and he basically apologized for making me feel uncomfortable and that “I did ask if what I was doing was ok and you said yes” which made me more confused with myself. This is where I can retract consent comes in correct? I don’t have anyone to speak to about this. It sucks bc I did really value our friendship and I do miss what we had as friends. It was refreshing it was eye opening and it was great. But it’s hard knowing what happened and that shadows over the great times. I honestly don’t know what to do. It is MY choice how I handle this either I text back or I don’t . But part of me wants closure bc obviously it didn’t work out the first time . But another part of me is saying no. It makes me sad that I’m so lost. I think it’s hard bc we did have a friendship and maybe it’s clouding my judgement ? Someone please lend non harsh advice. This community is all I have in terms of my assault experiences and idk what to do