My bfs mom invited herself to stay at our place for a month during December. She didn’t ask me or my bf if it was ok. She did the same thing last year just at a different time of the year and not for a whole month. Last year my bf paid for everything for her including plane tickets which she lives out of country. He spent tons of money on her bc all she wanted to do was shop while she was here. We live in a very tiny one bedroom apartment so I feel bad she had to sleep on the couch while she is here, but me and my bf can’t really fit on the couch to give her our bed nor do I want to do that. I work until 5 and my bf works even later usually so she’ll just be at our place by herself until then on week days (he also works weekends, he has one day off during the week) unless my bf takes work off and he can’t afford to do that. He took a week off for her last year. If she were to get a hotel (which no one suggested I’m just thinking) my bf would have to pay for it. It’s not that she can’t afford her own anything, she can, it’s just that she expects my bf to pay for her and he’ll do anything for her. It’s kind of their cultural norm. I’m so frustrated because this is our third year in this shitty apartment and he can’t even save up for something better when he’s throwing money like this. I do save but I need his help if we want something better. We also really want to get married and have kids in two years.

I just really have no say in the matter (last year I talked to him about the money thing but he will continue to pay for everything he doesn’t care what I think bc it’s his momma). I haven’t expressed my feelings yet to him this time, we just found out she’s coming.

Update: idk if anyone will see this but I talked to him about it. He said he is paying for her and will always pay for her. Even though she doesn’t need the money. He said the tickets don’t cost that much. (What about all the stuff he buys for her when she’s here) And I need to learn and generosity and hospitality and I don’t have to like it. I tried the “what if things were the other way around and if it was my mom who...” and he said he’d be fine with it. Lol ok. And about the generosity thing, I don’t think you should set back your life goals and please your mom over your future wife just to be generous. Am I wrong? He also said he doesn’t care about money. I’m like don’t you want a house and kids? He’s like yes but it’s not that easy. Well it’s definitely not easy when you’re showing your mother in money. I also can’t talk to her about it, I feel that’d be really rude and it’s not really my place (maybe it is idk but I don’t have the heart to tell her no or she has to pay and maybe that’s his problem too). I’m so frustrated and scared for the future, but I just want this relationship to be the one I’ve put so much into this relationship and want a good future with him 😢