Postpartum Depression and Pregnant.

Well, my son had just turn 1 two days ago.. I missed it.. I keep pushing his dad away, o keep leaving him because I'm afraid he will leave me first, I'm afraid he doesn't want me because I'm not who I use to be before I got pregnant with our son.. so yeah, it's just me, staying with my grandma, he keeps on insisting I come back to be with him and baby, so he could be there for me and my pregnancy, (I'm 12 weeks) but I keep fighting it, I love him so much and I have absolutely no reason to be gone or to leave him, to leave our son, I spoke to my doctor at my prenatal appointment, I was giving Zoloft for PPD, I feel so numb.. I feel like a zombie.. I wanna cry but I can't, I'm emotionless.. I wanna scream and yell but I can't.. it's so hard fighting this.. I keep pushing people away, I always want to be alone, all I do is sleep all day, I barely even eat anything or drinkfluids, I only used the bathroom once today.. (it's 11pm now) I hate feeling this way, I thought of suicide, I old my doctor, she said to admit myself if I feel like it again.. my mind is driving me crazy.. I need support... I feel like I'm gonna explode or puke.. idk.. I need a friend