I was in a sub and dom re relationship for 8 years we started to date in year 5 and I felt safe with him that I could tell him anything and completely trust him in are 7th year his behavior changed and he wasn't respecting me so we broke up we got back together maybe 6months down the line and I notice he wasn't being respectful of my off limit actions the last time we played he completely ignored my safe word and hurt me to the point he put me in the hospital for a week I felt like he started abusing me and I still can't get over it I haven't had sex in 5 years because in my mind I flash back I let him know about his self and we haven't spoken in 4 years but Im trying to get past it I am back in therapy but now Im not sure if I want to be in the lifestyle anymore I enjoyed it but now it is a trigger for my depression so my question how do you get over abuse in bdsm or how do you go back after what you experienced

As well when we got back together we where talking about having a baby together we started planning and trying I guess I loved him and it hurts still