11w5d. I finally love her.

I felt so weird watching everyone post about how madly in love they were with their newborn babes. I felt apathetic at best, stressed and regretful at worst, for weeks after my ladybug was born. I was exhausted and sore and mourning my old life.

I took care of her and tried to trust I'd eventually fall in love. I thought about who she would be soon and hoped that would change my feelings.

She started smiling around 7 weeks, and I finally started to feel affection and excitement.

Now she's almost 12 weeks, she giggles and coos and looks into my eyes and smiles. She's growing and sleeping and eating like a champ. She interacts and her personality is starting to shine through.

She takes no shit. She wants to be held, she reaches out her arms for me. She sometimes wants to be put down, and she'll scream until I comply. She knows what she wants.

I didn't even realize how much I loved her until she got sick and my heart broke. She's better now, but for a few days I couldn't stop worrying.

I'm so glad I'm finally joining all y'all in this magical love.