Hate being Married

Looking for advice

I hate being Married

Back story—

My husband and I have been together 4 years

We have two kids, 2.5 and 7 months.

We found out we were pregnant with our first after only being together 8 months.

Our parents pressured us into a wedding before our son was born, so we got married. I, being 20 at the time, had never wanted to be married or at least have a wedding. We were in love and happy, so I silently went along with it.

When our son was about a year old, we found out we were pregnant again. I was not happy. I was depressed and anxious the whole pregnancy. When she arrived, he cried for days— then he just stopped and has been the happiest baby since.

Our boys are wonderful, I love them more than anything.

My husband, however, I feel nothing but anger towards him.

He’s never home and always seems to want to get away from us. He has three jobs and is always picking up side jobs and finding excuses to get out. When he is home, he’s always on his phone and definitely not present. I’m the only one taking care of the boys and the only one taking care of the house. (I also work full time)

I feel like he spends money without even considering me.

We don’t spend time together, we don’t talk about important issues—though I do try, I just don’t feel like he actually hears me.

On top of that, I don’t find him attractive anymore. I have no desire to be close to him. I don’t think I love him. We haven’t been intimate in over a year.

He’s never done anything that is a real red flag, he loves our boys and doesn’t act like he’s hidning anything (Keeps his phone unlocked, always answers, doesn’t insult me or gaslight me)

I don’t know if it’s even worth considering to end this marriage, looking for advice in either direction really.

All I know is I’m very unhappy.

I just want to pack up and take my boys far away and never look back. I know though, that isn’t the fair or right action to take.