My Dr. wants me to have a c-section, and I’m scared.

I REALLY need advice.. This is my second pregnancy, I am now 20+4 with our son. 💙 When I had my daughter, I had a perfect pregnancy, no issues except for lack of sleep. I stayed in really great shape the whole time, and only gained 25 pounds. When it came time for birth though.. she was head down, sunny side up. After 30 hours of labor, her heart rate dropping dangerously low three separate times, and a forceps delivery, we had our beautiful daughter. My recovery was absolutely horrible, and I think I was experiencing PPD because I just felt like I was never going to heal, and 2 years later, I still don’t feel “normal.” I had a 3rd degree tear into my rectum(the rectal stitch ripped open later and I had an infection for about a month.) I had a massive hematoma on my perineum(for 3 months), and my tailbone was broken/displaced(I never had an X-ray). I was in so much pain for so long, the recovery was honestly so much worse than labor and delivery. Because of my injuries, I’ve had urinary and rectal incontinence, which has gotten much better, but it still exists. and my tailbone still bothers me, I get adjusted all the time. Also baby boy is sitting so low in my pelvis that I have a ton of pressure on my scarred area. Anytime I sit on the toilet, it’s almost painful. I also have a bulge on my vaginal wall from my rectum, so I am concerned with having a prolapse in the future. My doctor has mentioned that she wants me to have a c-section a couple times now. I am absolutely terrified of having one. I used to work in a hospital, and within a two week period, two women came in a couple days after having a cesarean, and they bled out and died. I know women have cesareans every day, but since that happened, I’ve been firm on having a vaginal delivery. Im doing Everything I can to keep myself healthy, and strengthen my pelvic floor for delivery. So far, she has only strongly suggested the cesarean, and hasn’t flat out said I will have one. If the baby isn’t in the proper position, then I am at peace with knowing I will need one. But if baby is head down in the right position, and I feel strong enough to deliver.. should I, And risk tearing again? I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don’t want to risk tearing like I did before, but I am deathly afraid of a cesarean. Has anyone been through this before? I’ll take all of the suggestions.. thank you!!