Since I have posted this a couple days ago, I decided to listen to you all and try to eat some more. That was a VERY big mistake, now I gained at least three pounds and I don’t fluctuate in my weight by going up and down in my weight anymore. Now I keep going up up up. Getting really depressed I’m literally crying I hate my body so much I disgust myself so badly. I’m going to go back to not eating cause that seems to be better.

I keep gaining weight and I’m so unhappy with myself where I’m extremely depressed. I lost about 60 pounds and got down to 108 pounds and I was actually happy because I only remember ever being overweight and finally people actually said I looked good and was skinny and I just felt good about myself.

I came back from a trip with my boyfriend and started eating more than I normally did and gained weight. I was able to stay around 125 but I was not able to lose any weight. The only way I can lose weight is if I don’t eat or only eat dinner. Unfortunately, I started getting into caramel macchiatos and went from 125 to 129. Once I noticed how bad those were for me, I stopped drinking them and I was always really trying to keep my weight down.

I don’t eat ice cream, chips, candy, or any type of sweets, I don’t eat any dairy or whites, such as bread and rice. I have chicken for dinner a lot which I thought was supposed to be healthy or good for weight loss. I only eat either breakfast or lunch since I eat from either 11am-2pm, then I eat dinner, so I pretty much just eat two meals a day which are portion controlled so I don’t eat that much in one sitting. I also drink a lot of green tea with nothing in it.

I started rapidly gaining weight and I went from 129 to 138. My boyfriend is honest with me and I always tell him when I gain weight and ask him why I might have gained weight and usually he is honestly confused that I would gain weight. I tell him “I gained weight again” and he usually says “how?!? You didn’t eat anything” (which I do have breakfast and dinner).

Why would I be gaining weight so rapidly? I know that I probably should have gained weight to go up to 129 but I don’t know how I gained weight after that. I have always struggled with my weight but I was at a good healthy weight when I weighed 108-112 for about a year. I hate looking at myself and I can’t believe I got back to this point. If I get back down to 120-125 I will be happy but I just can’t do it. My boyfriend and I go on a lot of hikes and long walks so we would walk about 15,000 steps every couple of days. I need help. What can I do to lose weight? Eat less? I really don’t know and I need help cause it’s not good for my mental health and schoolwork. I am 21 so it’s not like my metabolism should be that bad, which it has always been. I have a muffin top, frowning belly button (which I had when I was 108 and can’t get rid of which makes me depressed even more), my boobs are saggy and I don’t have underboob unless I am cold so my nipples pretty much look down all the time, I have saddle bags. I hate myself and I need help to get happy again. Plus on top of this, my boyfriend and I used to have sex at least once a day and now it’s every couple of days so I asked him and he said it’s just cause of his work. I would get on the elliptical every day for an hour for about 1-2 weeks and I never saw a difference so I stopped because I could be using that time to actually get something done and see progress like schoolwork or cleaning.

Thank you for any advice you can give me to lose weight