Highly Emotional

I have been really depressed for a while and his it because I've learned that I have to sometimes. I have problems with depression since I was a kid and I have been diagnosed with manic depression, bipolar type 2, DID, high anxiety and I am an habitual cutter. I haven't cut in over two years but by no means is it easy.

And I feel so very alone in this. My husband is a very logical person and doesn't understand how I feel or sometimes flat out doesn't care. He plays on his phone non stop when he's not at work. We haven't had sex in over a week and his excuse is always he's too tired. He doesn't spend time with me and he finds every excuse why he's right.

I felt this way before I got pregnant. It was a constant fight with us. And now its 10x worse. He says he doesn't ignore me for his phone but I asked him to grab me a T-shirt before I got out of the shower last night and he didn't. When I got out, he forgot, because he was on his phone.

This feeling isn't mutual. I drop what I'm doing when he needs me, no matter how small. I do laundry constantly to make sure he has clean work clothes and I'm constantly in the kitchen. Now I'm getting limited on what I can do because of my sciatica getting so bad I can't walk without a limp and bending hurts so bad I want to cry.

I need help. J need some kind of support to tell me I'm not alone. Please. We went to church today and our pastor called out everyone that was in physical or emotional pain because he could feel everyone in the room. He was praying over everyone who got up and every piece of me knew I was supposed to be up there. Guys, I'm falling apart. I can't be strong anymore.... I want to lay in bed and cry. He walks out when I cry. I cried today for the first time in two months. He walked out then, he walked out today.

He's a good man, he just... Isn't right? He doesn't understand and I can't make him feel how I feel. I don't have the heart.

Sorry for such a long post. This is the only thing keeping me from cutting right now... :'(