Just need someone to talk to

I know this probably isn’t the app to do that, but I don’t really have anyone else to talk to. Sometimes I just feel so alone. Lately, I’ve been surrounded by some really toxic people that calls themselves my friends. I normally keep to myself until I feel comfortable enough to be myself. People tell you to be yourself, but they don’t really want you to be yourself. These people that calls themselves my friend or “a family away from home” first tries to get me out my comfort zone and then it’s like they beat me down. They’ll say things that’s hurtful and they know it’s effected me because I wear my heart on my sleeves. If I’m not vocal about my feelings, you’ll definitely be able to tell my emotions through my actions and my facial expressions. They know what they’re doing because every actions has and equal and opposite reaction. When i distances myself especially after being offended someone will comment on it or they’ll be distant too. The funny thing is when someone shows you who they are the first time, you should take it as a warning and believe them. I wish I listened. We’d joke with each other and honestly one of them in particular would always tease me like that when I was quiet so I’d give them a dose of their own medicine. This person believe they can joke with you, but they can’t take a joke so their jokes start to become a little bit more sinister or they always resort into calling someone mentally challenged. I don’t think it’s funny and the people around you make you seem like you’re being sensitive. I’m sensitive because I won’t allow you to take personal jabs. I believe the saying theirs a grain of truth in every joke. If you really want to know what someone thinks of you, listen carefully to what personal jokes they make. I’m just so over it. I wish I would’ve never came out of my shell. I regret opening up to some people because they didn’t deserve to get to know the real me. I want so desperately to separate myself from these people, but I’m literally forced (not necessarily) to be with them everyday (almost; more like 40 hrs/week). Even if I wanted to it’d be really hard to distance myself. I’m sick of caring about other people’s feelings in a sense that I’ll quickly get over it to prevent making others feel uncomfortable or coming off immature for being in my feelings. I hate that I forgive so easily. That’s probably why the keep doing it. I don’t like confrontation and I’m truly working on becoming the best me I can be.