Long rant

So I grew up with ADHD and have always had a learning disability, but I haven’t really used it to get ahead in life. Recently I started a new job in May and I found out that I was pregnant and I have not been taking my ADHD medication because it has been prone to affecting the baby’s heart.

My boss has said things such as “why did you have to get pregnant again?” after I told her I had a miscarriage a day before I started working for her. I was surprised when she said this to me since she shared with me that she has had miscarriages as well. Recently things have gotten complex at work and I haven’t been able to comprehend or remember certain steps and it seems like every time I mess up I get a long email about how I did things wrong. I know that this is a learning tool when I mess up but it is very frustrating to constantly be told that I am not doing well at all at work even though I am trying my hardest and don’t miss work. Everyday I get told that I am doing something wrong.

She met with me for lunch one time and the whole time she was telling me how horrible I am doing now from when I first started working with them. It just made me feel very uncomfortable and I feel like a failure. We are pretty close, she asks me a lot about my personal life and I share things with her.

Yesterday I didn’t comprehend something and I apologized to my boss over email and the first thing she says this morning is “Is there something wrong? Are you not getting enough sleep at night? You seem to not be able to comprehend anything this week and you could last week” and then today she also said “Please just double check who you are sending responses to, I have been fighting on this for a really long time” and I finally got so frustrated that I said the following “I understand that you have told me this before but I feel like I am the only one being called out on my mistakes.”

I just wanted to rant because this has really been getting to me lately and it makes me not want to go to work or I cry at work because I am so damn frustrated. I always want to do what is best and I go out of my way to help people, especially when it comes to work. Please share your experiences if you have had a boss like this. It is not the way I learn best and I don’t like confrontation.

I have talked to HR about the fact that I have been struggling and he thought that it was so good that we got to sit down and talk about my mistakes at lunch which didn’t really sit well with me either.

I am also a very sensitive person, when I’m frustrated, I cry, mad? Cry. Sad? Cry. It’s just the way I cope. Having ADHD is very difficult when people constantly say you aren’t doing enough.

Also, I just got forwarded the message I sent her...? Does that mean she sent it to other people? Wtf.