Are they neglectful??????

I just found out some things that go on at my childrens father's house when they go over there and I am gonna make a move here really soon, but I wanna go about it the right and mature way. I am taking a few days to just cool off because I'm pissed, But it's his house and his rules and I'm trying to respect that but I know that this is just not fair at all... So my ex has a new gf of 2 years, and the kids have always came home to tell me they don't care for her and she punishes my kids. So, I did reach out to her personally and just addressed that I have no problem with her correcting them when they need corrected because she babysits them when my ex is working. But by NO means does she have permission to slap my 7 year old son in the face, and it won't happen again, after that I never heard of that happening again. Thank god, even though she was pissed at me and blew me off completely. But it got the job done. I know that she definitely makes the rules on what goes on in their home and with my kids, which is okay until it effects them. She doesn't let my kids cuddle their dad or spend quality time with them, which I've tried telling him that's wrong because they have cried to me about it. But, he blows it off as well, when I'm simply telling him he should really stand up for them in these situations. Like wth? He's never been like this. So he keeps the kids for a week and then I keep them for a week, my son has ADHD and the poor kid has been on 2 different medicines this past month because we are trying to find one that works well for him. He has trouble he really does, behaving and following rules, and not fighting with his siblings. I understand that, but my daughter called me last week and told me that Rylands always in his room when he is there. So I asked my ex about it and he will literally punish him by making him stay in his room for days and days at a time, besides when he's eating or going to the bathroom, and I am trying to respect his "rules" but I know my son and I can't even imagine how hard this is for him with ADHD like I could cry thinking about it. I just don't think that is okay, am I wrong for that?

So today, it was really hard for me to take them over, I just wanted to cry, I told him I'm gonna call every single night, and if they need anything to call. So I get halfway down the road and my ex calls to tell me my son forgot one of his bags, and sure enough it was in the back seat. So I turned around to take it back, His new gf has 2 daughters as well, and when I pulled in they were outside playing and jumping on the trampoline eating candy, and having fun. My kids were not outside, before I could open my door, my daughter and son were walking to the car, he grabbed his bag and I asked why they weren't outside playing? 😟😟😟😟😟😟 I was sad, I know that's what they would be doing if it were up to them, and they told me when they first get there ever single week, they have to pick 3 chores to do, they have sweep and mop the floor, change the cat litter, or do their dishes, or wash the toilet and bath tub. I literally could have cried. I do not think this is fair at ALL. They have not been there all week long. He don't even say hello to them or anything before he makes them clean his and his gf and her kids messes? While her kids are outside having fun my kids are doing their dishes and cleaning THEIR cats shit? I'm so sickened and upset. Is it just me? Am I over stepping his boundaries and rules? I have been sick to my stomach all day. They won't be home till Sunday. 😢😢😢😢 I just need a few opinions from an outter perspective.