Where to start, the beginning I guess. Started over 3 years ago with pain but no one would listen and specialist didn't want to do anything outside of their comfort zone. Fast forward to this year. Pain at the end of April, husband and primary care physician blew me off. I went behind my husband's back and wishes and pursude the problem. Finally got an ultrasound, hemorrhagic cyst and they couldn't tell if it was cancer. Husband yelled at me for costing us money to find the answer. Doctor finally sat husband down and advised him what would happen if it didn't change.

Husband relented and listen for the one occasion.

July they rechecked and cyst was absorbed back in the body correctly, yay. The pain didn't go away, boo. Was finally sent to OB doctor who did oral therapy for endometriosis, which the insurance didn't cover. Fast forward to September/October.

They finally agreed to do laproscopy, which they should've done a long time ago since insurance does pay for this to determine if endometriosis. Got that surgery done on November 4th.

Yes they did find endometriosis, hurrah they know the source of the pain. This also means full hysterectomy.

Today I'm still getting over last night's fight with my husband.

He hasn't been there for me, physically or emotionally. By physically I mean actually showing himself for meals and what not. For the past 2 months. Yes I know work is tough, I've been going to work with this pain for this entire time. I am not perfect ok? I try to keep the house clean, make food, go to work, keep everyone healthy, while trying to not be depressed. I have been on an emotional rollercoaster for the longest time and have been having to deal with the thought of no children.

The no children part is because he won't adopt. if I can't conceive than no kids. And having no support from the one you married and love is just horrifying.

I push all it down. Last night we had a fight because I told him 2 weeks ago he wasn't taking my car, I was going to have it. He has his truck but because it doesn't get good gas mileage that he's taking my car regardless. He has to drive to another state on Friday to get a new badge, yes it's the only place he can get it. It's minimually 7 1/2 house away from us. So I'll be pretty stranded. I don't trust his car.

So yes I blew up but just had enough of it whining and complaining. I told him he hasn't been there for me, this isn't the first time I've said it and he always say he'll do better next time but each time it's worse than before.

I don't know how to handle these changes. I just need help.