I love my boyfriend. I really do. But I can’t trust him.

I have trust issues from dealing with past relationships and other that’s happening in my life making it hard to trust anybody.

My mom passed away, and I suppressed all my feelings for anything and anyone. In a way her passing was disappointing to me for some reason. This is really the first time that I am saying this aloud. After her passing I just feel like I’ve been disappointed by pretty much everyone in my life. (Brother and sister, cousins, aunties. EVERYONE) So I keep a safe distance away from people to never have to feel disappointed again.

My and my boyfriend are long distance. When we first started talking I can genuinely say I trusted him. And then I started to really fall for him. Now I can’t trust him. And he may not be doing anything for me not to trust him but something in me is preventing me from doing so.

So I want to tell him that we need to be friends. I don’t think it’s fair to him that I can’t trust him and always making accusations against him. But idk how to tell him or if I should. I can tell he loves me and I don’t want to break his heart or loose what friendship we do have.

What do I do? How do I tell him this?