I had my son January 20th, 2017. The most perfect new born baby ever. 💙 he was so chill. So happy. So loved.

From the time I got pregnant till I had him it had just been me and him. His dad was there but wasn’t at the same time.

He was literally my best friend. The love for a child is like no other love

Ending up leaving his dad and staying with my mom, step dad, and brother. The love they had for him was like no other as well. How he changed out lives for the better. I really could not fathom my life with out him!

November 24th my life changed forever. We got a new house and of course it had a pool. Living in Florida there is always the possibility of something happening to toddlers. I knew it could and I’ve read and seen it. Just didn’t think it would happen to us. Everyone was at the house and I closed my door for 5 mins thinking my mom had him or my brother. I walk out to the kitchen and see the back door wide open. And my heart sank and I just knew. Ran out side and there he is floating in the pool. I didn’t think twice and jumped in to get him. I worked at a daycare and was trained in cpr. But I went blank. My boyfriend comes out and everyone’s freaking out and he’s preforming cpr and I just prayed please not my baby. The cops and paramedics get there rip everything off and we met them at the hospital. Saying he’s stable but he’s not waking up. Got transported to an all children’s hospital in saint pete Florida. Where I watch my son deteriorate and not get better. They come back and say he’s brain dead and to think about our options. I was planning Christmas, his second birthday. Not his funeral, or organ donations. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to decide. I decided to donate his organs and cremate him. I didn’t want a funeral. He was just ready to be free and it hurts me everyday to think I don’t have him here. He finally passed December 1st



I love and miss you so much Zander James😔💕

I’m now 24 weeks pregnant with his baby sister and I cry every day. Hoping this time is different. I check on her ad much as possible and pray he’s watching over us. Just wish it didn’t have to be this way! Didn’t get to see him grow up. Graduate kindergarten, high school, college, lose a first tooth, have a first date, get married, or have my grandkids. I just wanted all of that! I just want him back😩 he is taken care of up there, even called a sibling to come up there with him and play and watch over us. I had a miscarriage in April this year at 9 weeks. And I never that I’d make it through life without either of them.

Just hold your babies close and please please watch their every move. There was so much I thought I could have changed that day. Blame myself.