This is going to be a long post, I hope some of you read it and know that there is hope and love after loss.

I experienced my first miscarriage in June 2016 I had already had three healthy babies at that point so it completely caught me off guard.

My husband and I went into our first dating ultrasound and according to my last period I should have been 11 weeks. My husband was in the waiting room while the technician was going to get all the important measurements and she asked me if I was sure about my dates and I told her absolutely, I religiously track my period! She said that I’m only showing 6 weeks gestation and that’s too early to get a heartbeat and to come back the following week. At that point I just knew my baby was gone. I walked out to the waiting room and my husband was confused wondering why he never got called back so once we got to the car I told him what was going on.

I went back the next week and the scan showed the exact same thing as the last time, the baby hadn’t grown at all. So it was confirmed that I was miscarrying. My doctor chose to let me pass it naturally due to my previous c sections he felt it was the safest option. My body didn’t pass the baby until almost a month later and it was the worst pain imaginable and something I will never forget.

It took us almost a year and a half before we were able to finally conceive again and obviously I was terrified I didn’t want to experience a loss again.

I went in for routine bloodwork and the dr told me my HCG levels weren’t where they should be for how far along I was so she ordered me to come back for bloodwork every 48 hours for the next few days. Usually your HCG levels are supposed to double every 24 or 48 hours (can’t remember exactly) mine weren’t. They weren’t even going up a quarter of what they should have been. After the appt I was walking to my car and I go to unlock it and suddenly felt a huge gush (it was a huge amount of blood and clots) and I just thought to myself, “oh god here we go again”. I drove home, took two Tylenol, cleaned myself up and ran a bath. I laid in the tub for two hours and the pain I was expecting hadn’t happened yet so I decided to go to the hospital and hope that they could just clean me out and that I wouldn’t have to go through the pain again. I get there and explained to the ER everything that had been happening (HCG levels, blood) they drew my blood again and booked me for an ultrasound. I had to drink a bunch of water before I could go for the ultrasound so while I was waiting for that the Dr comes back and tells me my levels still aren’t doing what they were supposed to and with all the blood that I was miscarrying and that he was sorry, blah, blah. I finally get into the ultrasound and the tech asks me what the ultrasound was for (obviously she hadn’t bothered to look at my chart) so I told her that I was miscarrying and the ultrasound was to make sure everything had come out. She’s doing the scan and stops and asks me what makes me and the DR so sure I miscarried so I told her AGAIN. She then turns the monitor towards me and points to a flicker on the screen and says you’re baby is alive there’s it’s heartbeat! I couldn’t believe it! I just started crying still thinking that I was going to lose it. Turns out it was a huge blood clot in my uterus that was coming out not my baby! They still don’t have an explanation for the HCG levels but my daughter is now 18 months, healthy and happy. She’s completed our family.

To whoever has read this far, thank you for reading my story and if you are struggling please know that there is hope no matter what the Drs tell you!