I’m crying as I type this because I am heartbroken. My fiancé and I have been together for 4 years and none of those years have been nice. We have a lot of nice memories but a lot of really bad memories as well. We have a daughter who is about to turn 3 and he has 7 kids aside from this but we only see three of them and they live with us half the time. I am only 23 years old and he is 37. I think I’m pretty mature for my age which is why I feel I’ve handled this very well. But I’m at a point where I can’t take it anymore and today we agreed on separating. He’s verbally abusive and I feel and for him because it’s something he can’t control. I don’t know if it has something to do with his PTSD but it’s bad and Although it’s gotten better, it’s still there. He’s choked me before, he’s pushed me around before and I won’t say I’m a saint because I’ve done the same thing to him. I’ve dragged him to the floor because he pushed me so he got Into it. We get Into each other’s faces and we are just toxic. He used to get mad and take my phone my keys and my wallet and hide them from me. If I wanna step away when we were arguing, he would manipulate me into thinking that I was doing the wrong thing because I simply wanted to just get aWay from the situation. He shames me for being a “bad mom” he says I buy clothes instead of putting our daughter into school. Not true, I’m trying to find her a good school. And yes I do buy myself stuff, but why the hell cant I? He doenst let me have social media, I don’t go out with my friends. If I don’t play with my daughter when I come home from work late he’ll say I’m a shitty mom. But all I do is work and be with her. He shames me for working at a retail store because he makes more money than me and tells me I should either be a stay at home mom or get a better job. He says I don’t do anything for him because he buys me and thinks of me every time - which is true BUT he’s still a fucked up person. And I’m tired. I’m unhappy. And he is too. He just doesn’t wanna accept it because he doenst wanna start over.

He’s tried to marry 4 women including myself and they all don’t work out. And he doesn’t realize he’s the problem. I’ve actually been the only one who’s been able to handle his attitude and personality but I’m miserable. And I can tell he just doesn’t love me the same anymore. He’s just comfortable. Sure, he buys me what I want, helps me when I need it, he’s helped me out since I moved in with him. He’s never stopped. He’s taken me on vacations, he just bought me a whole camera set to start my photography career and today we are separating on thanksgiving day. And I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing? I just feel trapped, I feel like I’m a prisoner. Aside from how we are with each other, I feel like we’re best friends. I tell him more stuff than I tell my own friends and vice versa I just don’t understand where his anger comes from. He starts to call me all types of names when he’s angry, and I stay quiet. I’m literally being abused. And I’ve taken his shit and brushed it off cause I’ve told myself that’s just who he is, he doesn’t mean those things. But now I’m starting to realize, HE DOESNT HAVE TO BE THAT WAY. Even right now, as we spoke about our separation, he said he’s not helping me at all and we will separarte now. I can’t touch any of his stuff and I can’t use any of the cars and he took my wedding/engagement ring away. He’s obviously upset but this is the same guy who told me two days ago that he didn’t want to be with me anymore when I asked again if he meant it, he said yes but now that I’ve agreed on separating he’s mad? I don’t understand. He then went on telling me that he will move forward in life and I wouldn’t because all I want is to have fun, fun is more important to me than my family - according to him. But I don’t even go out. He said I wouldn’t be a great mom, ever. When I told him how come I can be positive about him moving forward but he puts me down, he switched up and said I hope you become rich in life and he left.