SOs mother setting us back

Here’s the short version:

So my boyfriends mom is trying to guilt him into moving in with her, because she’s struggling financially even though my boyfriend and I have been planning on moving out together for months, and I’m also struggling financially and my living conditions are really unsuitable for a human being. She could easily move in with her boyfriend she’s been dating for over a year, but my boyfriend is scared of her being an hour away, and scared of him being a POS like her ex. I don’t think it’s fair I’m getting put on the back burner when we had previous plans to move out and my living conditions are way way worse.

Here’s the long version:

My boyfriend and I have been planning on moving out together. We both started new, better paying jobs. We looked at apartments and got a tour and application papers. He’s divorced, so he moved back home (here) to live with his uncle (he has the entire finished basement of a million dollar home to himself) until he finds a place. He’s been there for about a year, and I moved back home 3 years ago after a break up.

I’ve been living in the shed outside my moms house for 3 years. It’s rough. The only electric I have is run through an extension cord and then plugged into a power strip, and most people know that’s already dangerous enough. If I have an early shift, I can’t see when I get ready in the morning and have to use my phones flashlight. I also don’t have heat or a/c, or running water or a place to cook any kind of meals, unless it’s using a microwave. It stays humid in there and there’s black mold on all my furniture. I can’t live inside because my moms house is in bad shape. Plumbing is backed up, stove doesn’t work, etc.) The house is also infested with roaches and mice. I’ve tried time and time again to get the house fumigated but she refuses and says “it’s a waste of money.” I think my mom is delusional at this point. There are also 3 smokers that constantly smoke inside and it’s impossible to breathe in there. When I shower I can only shower for a few minutes or shit comes up the drain. I’m a clean freak and like to shower twice a day, but I can’t do that because of it backing up. I have to do all my business 💩 OUTSIDE. Its so gross. It’s not easy. I was also struggling financially big time for a while because of medical bills, so I had to take out credit cards and couldn’t afford to move out. I’m still struggling and only get paid about $700 a MONTH. (New jobs pay hasn’t gotten here yet)

But since I started a decent job, I finally can start the process. However, his mom is setting us back now. I keep getting set back. Wether it be a break up, medical bills, bad credit, or my sister promising she’d be my roommate then backing out.

Here’s the situation:

So his mom, we’ll call her Tracy, has been dating her boyfriend for about a year. I’ve met him several times and he seems really nice. However, he lives about an hour away from where we live. Tracy told my boyfriend she’s been struggling financially and has some debt and she’s been stressed. She’s been guilting my boyfriend into moving in with her for two weeks now because she says she needs extra money. She wants him to pay $300-$450 (her rent is $700/mo) in rent to help her out, and he would get one bedroom to himself (compared to the giant finished basement, that he’s paying $200/month for.)

My boyfriend keeps telling me he feels like he has to move in with her because that’s his mom and he says he wants to help her out. He told me “he feels blackmailed” because his mom keeps saying she’s just going to move in with her boyfriend if he doesn’t move in and help her out. So I asked him why she can’t move in with her boyfriend she’s been seeing for a year, and he said the last time she moved in with a boyfriend too early, it ended up lasting 10 years and he was a psycho. I told him a year really isn’t that early and besides, they’re in their 40s. They are old enough to make their own decisions.

I suggested if he really wanted to help her out, but didn’t want to move in, he could give her some money each month, but he didn’t want to do that.

I also told him that if she was to move in with her boyfriend, and something happened and she had to move back, that she could stay with us temporarily until she got back on her feet.

I also suggested that if my boyfriend did make the decision to move in with her, that I wouldn’t be comfortable staying the night or visiting as often as I do now. I’m too old to be sharing a place with someone’s parents, I just am. I told him he could come to my place instead, and he totally shot that down because he hates the 30 minute drive between us. Which is ironic because I make that drive every single time we hang out. It’s always me driving to his place. Always. And when we go out, it’s always me driving too.

On one side I can understand why he wouldn’t want her to possibly get herself into a bad situation, but at the same time... she is a grown ass woman and can make her own mistakes/decisions.... And in my opinion, my boyfriend shouldn’t feel forced to make a big decision like moving just to help her out when she has a suitable option already. He is the son and she is the parent. I get sometimes things happen but it feels like everyone I’ve ever known, my own family especially, always needs something and has to bring everyone down around them because they can’t support their damn selves.

I also am pretty hurt, because my living situation is much, MUCH worse than hers and most people’s... but my boyfriend was in no kind of rush, at all, to help me out like he is with her. I get it, it’s your mom and I’m the girlfriend but I literally freeze to death in the winters and I die from the heat in the summer. I can’t keep anything in my shed because everything molds from the humidity. Clothes, furniture etc are all ruined now... aaaand all I can eat is junk because most things you buy off a shelf are processed.

And I’m also just so frustrated because every time I seem to get myself out of my hole, someone with a sad story comes along and ruins the chance I had to get myself out of this hell hole.

After I explained my side last night he was very frustrated because he says he feels like he has to move in with her and he says he wants my support. I told him it’s ultimately his decision, and he needs to make it himself because I don’t want him to agree with me just to resent me later. But I feel like he’s trying to control things. He did the same thing with his sister a few months ago... she wanted to move out with her boyfriend but he refused because “she’s too young.” And she’s 20. He needs to let his mom make her own choices because it’s not his decision to worry or stress about.